I think it's fair to assume that most of our college peers are balancing schoolwork and poor decisions and frugality while anticipating a future of "financial stability." I always envision financial stability as going through life without checking my Virtual Wallet app a billion times a day. Financial stability will come when I only ever look at my transactions once a month when the monthly statement is available and I give it a quick once-over to make sure my identity has not been stolen (yet). Until then, I am constantly obsessed with my available balance and continually anticipate notifications from my bank that remind me just how difficult this balancing act can be. As a child perched in front of the TV throughout the '90s, I never anticipated the very distinct anxieties associated with receiving emails and notifications from a bank, but I have found that all of my favorite characters still have a way of relating.
1. "Your monthly statement is now available."
Great because I totally want to be reminded how much I spent at Starbucks this month. And Dunkin. And that local coffee shop down the street.
2. "A direct deposit greater than $1.00 has been credited to your account."
Hurray for being an adult and having adult paychecks deposited directly into your adult bank account. And hurray for convenience!
3. When there's a holiday, so your paycheck is deposited early.
There are few surprises more pleasant than having off from school and also having extra money to blow.
4. When you realize the deposit is only enough to cover rent and bills.
Goodbye, pizza. Goodbye, happy hour. Goodbye, expensive coffee.
5. "Your checking account available balance is less than $100.00."
It's like the bank wants you to think long and hard about the decisions that have lead you to this point.
6. OK, so now I have fewer than $100.00 in my account. Were those drinks worth it the night before?
It was happy hour. Of course, they were worth it.
7. "Your checking account has been overdrawn."
So, sometimes we forget about those automatic Netflix payments that always happen to show up the day before payday when there's only $0.82 in our account.
8. When you realize you might have to call your parents to ask for money.
Their love is unconditional, right?
9. Or, when you realize you're going to need to work five extra shifts on top of your three exams this week to make rent money.
Being an adult is great. Paying for things is so awesome. Life is grand.
10. "You have a secure message waiting."
OK, so now they're going to tell me someone is trying to steal my identity. I wonder what the culprit plans to do with all of my $0.82?
11. Pretending that having responsibilities is great.
Yes, debt. Rain on me.
