Right now, you have an open wound. It's raw, it's bleeding, and it hurts. Eventually it will scab over. It's still tender, but it's not bleeding anymore. Eventually, over time, the scab will fall off and you will have a scar. The scar will always be there. There will come a time when the pain is all gone, a distant memory, but you'll never get rid of the scar. And that's okay, because scars are a testament of life.
The previous words that I will always hold close to my heart were not given to me by a friend, a family member, or someone I even know. Instead, the words were texted to me by a complete stranger, someone who I do not have a name for or have talked to since that moment.
When I was given that quote, I was broken, hurt, depressed, and anxious. I was not sure where to turn and could not figure out who to talk to. I continually felt like I was a burden on everyone I love, so leaning on someone I care about did not seem like an option to me.
I have been asked, "Who is your person? You know, the one person you go to when you need to vent? Or the person you call when your heart is giddy about something? Who's your person?"
And that's when I thought to myself, no one had come to mind.
When I say no one, I mean I had a list full of people I wanted to be that one, but none of the names felt right at that moment. Or the time before. Or the time before that.
I do not want to see ungrateful for the people who are in my life, but there are times when you look at what is in front of you, and see nothing. You see nothing that is right. You cannot picture the solution from what you have been provided with.
And that is why I could not turn to anyone I knew, but I looked to my phone. On my road to recovery from self harm, I knew that asking for help was always the most difficult step. I knew that I had to catch the impulse before I acted. I knew that the only way I could stop myself from doing harm was talking to someone as soon as the thought popped into my mind.
And so I did something that scared me, and I pushed the keys for the word, "CONNECT" to 741741. I waited. Then I met one of the most friendly and welcoming individuals who listened to what I had to say.
I was asked questions about my life, my concerns, and my feelings. And I did not question the person's intentions or judgments towards me. I had a different feeling when I connected to this person, a complete stranger. I felt like I could be anyone, but more importantly, I could be myself.
And as I texted this mystery person, I gradually felt relieved as I confided in them with some of the toughest struggles that were on my plate lately. I was thankful that a few messages to a stranger brought light into one of my darkest moments.
With that being said, maybe I have not perfected the art of recovery or getting help when I need it. But what I have learned is that life provides us with so many ways to get healthier. Maybe it is a loved one, or a complete stranger, but someone will help. Or maybe comfort comes with the furry paws running towards you each morning. Or maybe in the words typed on a keyboard or script etched on a page. Or maybe a road trip to somewhere new, for a clean start.
Or maybe, getting healthier is always from within. From knowing you can take a step towards your recovery. From taking actions to focus on yourself, and your wellness. From discovering how to love yourself and each day finding a new quality to appreciate about who you are.
Maybe, getting healthier starts with staying, and fighting for a better life. Because deep down, you know you are worth it. And every scar is a reminder of each battle you won, leading towards your victory, and towards the rest of your life.
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW ARE STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND/OR TENDENCIES, REACH OUT IMMEDIATELY. NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THIS ALONE. SUICIDE IS SERIOUS.
National Suicide Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255 - available 24/7
