We, the people, are tearing each other apart. Disagreements descend into riots, rallies and raids at an alarming rate. “Is there any hope for our country?” is becoming a common question. If there is hope for our country, we need to stop drawing conclusions before we even understand the views of the people around us. We need to start acting like friends and fellow Americans.

When Donald Trump was elected President of the United States, social media wars broke out between supporters and non-supporters, with both sides going after the third-party voters, too. Families ripped apart, and members within families swore never to speak to one another again. The nation divided into what looked like its own Cold War. It was not the first time we had seen this from our fellow countrymen. The same toxic mentality fueled the birther movement that sought to tear down the person of Barack Obama. Last month, when frustrated and mourning students took to voicing their concern over the Parkland gun violence, they were quickly accused of being actors and liars. Instead of debating reasonably, we now lash out at each other’s identity.

It is easy to look at those with whom we disagree and say, “They are ignorant. They don’t get it.” What truly holds us back, though, is our inability to admit what we ourselves do not know. We want so badly to believe we have the answers that we feel threatened by anyone, friend or foe, who proposes an opposing viewpoint. Fights break out, and irrevocably harsh words are spouted off.

If we are going to heal these wounds, we have to start with the lowest common denominator. We are all Americans, right? We live here because we love our home. The freedoms we all enjoy were fought for on our behalf, as they continue to be fought for today. From this angle, we are all on the same side. It really is OK to reach beyond the disagreements and make new friends.

And what is friendship if not an act of self-giving and love? To only make friends with people who agree with us is not friendship at all. It is social dictatorship. In order to learn and to grow, we need to seek out and listen to the perspectives of people who will challenge us.

The choice to listen to someone on their level, find new solutions to stalemated problems and build something more beautiful than before is the soil in which real love blossoms. We start to lay our self-interest aside in the interest of all. Wise words return to us: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.”

With the anger and vitriol all around us, it is not easy to be the first one to put the pettiness aside. We could be discredited, trampled and rejected. We could be turned away for trying to be welcoming. These risks are all real, but one thing is certain. What we are doing is not working. If any real progress is to be made, we need to place our bets on a new age of friendship.