Friendship is a funny thing. While the healthiest of friendships seem to come effortlessly, it takes a lot of work to keep a friendship going and growing. I am still human, and I know what it is like to feel lonely, yet I can honestly say that I would rather be alone than spend time and effort with people who don't make my life any better with their presence.
A good relationship — platonic or romantic — takes nurturing. You can't wake up one day and say "This friendship is really great, I'm glad that I have it, so I'm done with the constant effort." It just doesn't work like that. Effort is important, especially so in terms of mutuality. A friendship cannot thrive on one-handed energy alone. It is okay to reevaluate what one gets out of a relationship; if the cost outweighs the benefit, if the negatives outweigh the positives, it might be time to do so.
A friendship should never feel like an ultimatum; it's about equally benefiting both parties. I had a great conversation with a friend last week, which really put this into perspective for me. She was nervous that if she let go of a few friendships, she would lose other friends in the process. I totally understood where she was coming from. I mean, the more friends, the merrier, right?
Not necessarily. Think of friendships as a plant for a second. Each friend must take turns watering the friendship, nurturing it and giving it love, in order for it to continue growing. When one person isn't putting in that same effort to nurture the relationship, you can't expect to be in a great place. I feel like we're at a point in our lives where we should be constantly reevaluating our friendships. You don't keep watering a dead plant, so why keep putting the time and effort into a relationship that no longer serves you?
I would rather be in my own company than in bad company, because I know that I will keep putting effort into my relationship with myself. I no longer have any interest in trying to maintain strong connections with the wrong people. As hard as it may be to admit, some people just aren't healthy for you, and those tend to be the people you struggle the hardest with letting go of. Whether it is the relationship with the guy who never treated you right, or the friendship with the girl who took up every opportunity to blame you for your problems, it is OK to let go, even if these are the ones who should be the most obvious to give up.
It is time to come to terms with the fact that we are not everyone's cup of tea, and that that is okay. It is better, in life, to find the ones who take our particular flavor, no sugar added, and vice versa. Don't force yourself to be in bad company just because you are afraid of being alone, because I promise you, it isn't worth it in the end.
