A List Of Things More Painful Than Surgery

13 Really Terrible Things I'd Rather Do Than Have My Wisdom Teeth Removed

I had a lot of fillings about having teeth pulled during Spring Break.

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Yesterday I had all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed, which wasn't exactly the highlight of my week.

Since I had never had teeth removed before, I didn't know the drill, but my dentist was super easy-going and made me feel less nervous.

After the procedure was over, I was loopy, nauseous and in a lot of pain. My entire mouth tasted like blood, and I swelled up like a balloon.

I wouldn't be able to eat solid food or work out for about a week after the procedure. I would be confined to my bed watching Netflix and eating mashed potatoes all day.

Did I mention I had this procedure done during Spring Break?

That's right, instead of "Marching" into a week of relaxation and preparing for my upcoming comedy gig, I "Marched" into the dentist's office to have teeth drilled out of my head.

If only he'd been able to do the same with my bad ideas!

Let me tell you, there are many other unpleasant things I'd rather do than have mouth surgery during my only week of peace since May.

Allow me to list them for you!

1. Walk on a bed of Legos.

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After that we'll be (le)going to the hospital!

2. Get back in contact with any of my exes.

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I don't find it coincidental that the letter "x" is right next to the letter "y", as in "why did I ever date you?"

3. Go an entire week without Chick-Fil-A.

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I can barely go a day without Chick Fil A, so that's saying something!

4. Be Trina Vega's little sister.

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You might be crazy, but have I told you lately, you're annoying! You're the only thing that's worse than having teeth removed!

5. Leave my work folder in a foreign state.

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Oh wait, I actually did that. Clumsy me!

6. Start my period during a job interview.

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Oh wait, I did that too! Clumsy you(terus)!

7. Give up Netflix for a year.

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How would I live with myself if I wasn't dancing along to Abuelita's morning jams, fan-girling over Elena and her Syd-nificant other and yelling, "Dale, Papito, dale!" in the middle of Walmart?

8. Go back to work at one of my old customer service jobs.

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Until you've been responsible for working the entire store by yourself including waiting 7 tables, taking care of all the to-go orders with a line out the door, cleaning your workstation and bussing tables for the next round of customers while being nagged by your unhelpful bosses about the fridge needing to be restocked, you don't know frustration!

9. Work under Mr. Krabs management.

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We get it, you crusty crustacean. You have no regard for the exploited working class, and you'll do anything to make a quick buck. We get it.

10. Have Sheldon Cooper as my therapist.

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Dude, stick to protons. People aren't your area of expertise.

11. Be in the same room as Lil Xan

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At least I can get him to go away by sending him a fake meme!

12. Listen to Brittney and Ashley talk about how cute Chad is during a lecture.

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Will someone get Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Daddy's Credit Card to be quiet, I'm trying to learn about relationship communication patterns!

13. Get hit on by Chad from Racist Apple Pi.

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Dude, you'd have better luck with Tweedle Daddy's Credit Card. At least you won't have to pay for the meal, and you can save up for more beer!

I hope you were able to extract a few laughs from this listicle just like my dentist extracted my wisdom teeth!

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Saying Goodbye To Freshman Year

"High School goes by fast, but college goes by even faster."
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“High School goes by fast, but college goes by even faster”, we’ve all heard it and probably all ignored it as well. I mean time is time. It moves at the same pace no matter what you’re doing right?

Nope.

High School is over, I’m now a freshman in college and it’s April. I’m sitting here in my dorm looking at all my clothes, and bins thinking, how in the hell will this all fit in my car again? It is crazy, I need to be thinking about all of this now because there is one month of my freshman year left, just one.

All I can keep thinking is how? Wasn’t it just last week that I moved into my cozy room at the end of the hall, or just yesterday that I ran home to two hundred beautiful new sisters? As much as it seems like yesterday, it wasn’t.

It was almost eight months ago that I stepped onto this campus as a freshman, now it is my last four weeks and they are jam-packed. From formal to finals I am in the home stretch of my first year of college. I just registered for my classes next semester, and can’t get it through my head that I will soon be a sophomore.

While walking around campus I still catch myself thinking, wow I am really here. I am a college student, at a school, I fall more in love with every day. So, how can I be a sophomore now when I feel like I just got here?

Yes, I still have three amazing years of college ahead of me, and I can’t wait to see what those years have in store in for me. But, I just can’t help but feel a little sad that I won’t be a freshman anymore. I won’t be the youngest in my sorority family, I won’t be coming back to a dorm every night.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am stoked to live in an apartment next year with my absolute best friends. And you definitely could have heard me saying “I am so over this whole dorm thing” once or twice this semester, but now I can’t help but see all the things I’ll miss.

Freshman year is just unique. You get this giant clean slate, a fresh start. And it is just waiting to see what you’ll do with it. It truly is a year of firsts. My first failure, the first time being on my own, my first time not knowing anyone in my classes. Yes, that can all be a lot to take on, I was terrified at the start of the school year. But before I knew it, I had a routine, I had friends, I had a life here.

And this life surpassed all my expectations. I have a home away from home. I have friends that I know will be my bridesmaids some day. I have experiences that I’ll never forget.

Now as I head back home for the summer I couldn’t be more excited to be with my friends there and my family. But, I also couldn’t be sadder to leave my friends here, even if it’s only for three months because they’ve become another kind of family.

Despite leaving freshman year behind, we have so many more memories to make whether it’s doing the Seminole chop in Doak, coordinating our Halloween costumes, or just chilling at the house. We’ve all come so far this year, and I can’t wait to see just how far we go. So bring it on Sophomore year, I’m ready for ya.

Cover Image Credit: Cameron Kira

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The 7 Best Pieces Of Advice I Have Been Given About Life

Some of the best advice I have been given over the years...

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There isn't a central theme among these pieces of advice or sayings. They are all just random things I have been told over the course of my life–especially in the last week. I find these 7 to be particularly helpful in various situations, and try to keep them in mind when I am in over my head.

1. "Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself because there is nobody who is going to help you more than you."

You are the #1 person who can help your own case. No one knows you as you do, therefore no one will be able to help you more than you can help yourself. A lot of things are mental, so once you can convince yourself that you deserve something (whatever it may be) you can convince anyone. Another saying goes along with this, on the flip side: "No one can diminish you but yourself." You are in control of your own self-perception, and you are very much capable of being your own worst enemy.

2. "Stand behind your reputation because you can never get it back."

My mom sent this to me the other day. Be who you are, and do it proudly. Especially with meeting people for the first time, you can never have a second chance at a first impression. That being said, if people view you in a bad light, figure out why that is and fix it. You may not be able to change someones initial thoughts of you, but you can change the way they view you after that.

3. "The best things in life happen unexpectedly."

"Life is what happens when you're busy making plans," also goes along with this. Trying to plan out every little detail of your life is only going to lead to disappointment. Sometimes you find the best things/what you're looking for when you're not actually looking. Just go through the motions and things will work out the way they are supposed to.

4. "Be proud of your accomplishments, no matter how small."

It's important to celebrate the little things. Did you go to class today? Good for you. Did you decide to drink water instead of a soda? That's awesome. How are you going to work up to doing bigger and better things if you don't have anywhere to start?

5. "Whatever you're stressing about now probably won't matter in five years."

As someone who is often eaten away by their own worry and anxiety, this is a mantra that I try to constantly remind myself. While it may seem like a big deal now, you need to keep in mind the bigger picture. Will it matter in 5 hours? 5 days? 5 months? And so on. If the answer is no to ANY of these questions, it's probably not worth beating yourself up over.

6. "Stop being the 'go to' person for someone you can't go to."

Someone tweeted that their pastor said this to them and the tweet went viral. A friend of mine sent it to me, and it really made me think. Something I have struggled with over the years is making excuses for people who don't show up for me when I am constantly there for them. This is a helpful reminder that if they aren't contributing to you and your life, you shouldn't have to bend over backward to help them out and be in their lives.

7. "Two wrongs don't make a right."

While this is often a saying that parents use on their young children, it is applicable to pretty much any stage of life. My parents, especially my dad, have constantly said this, whether it was in reference to fighting with my siblings or dealing with people at school. Even as a 20-year-old, I find myself saying this when I hear about arguments and problems people are having. Everyone wants to get even, to best those who hurt them. While it's important to stick up for yourself, it is also important to be the bigger person and not stoop to their level (and whatever else your parents told you in these situations).

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