Rape: Yes, We Need To Talk About It
Politics and Activism

Rape: Yes, We Need To Talk About It

It's 2016 and about time that we stop acting as if we have the right to another person's body.

Rape: Yes, We Need To Talk About It
Emerging Free

Rape is an uncomfortable subject for pretty much everyone. It's an understandable convention, but the fact of the matter is that we need to talk about it. The victim blaming and excuse making has to stop. People need to know that they can be open and honest if they are violated.

Recently a friend of mine came to me with this poem and gave me permission to share it:

It's important to remember your first times in life
You know, to have those treasured memories
Like the first time riding a bike or first concert
Those memories always stick with us
Like the glue on that macaroni art you did for father's day when you were little
Of course, not all will be remembered like your first steps
But we all remember one
That's right
THAT one
Your first time
Was it in the day or was it in the night?
(Mine personally was in the day)
Now was it with a boy or a girl?
Mine was with a female specimen, but let's twirl over that
I'm gonna talk about my first time with a boy
Now, I know you must be thinking, "Please, do tell me more."
And you just hold your horses, because this isn't an easy chore
Let's cut to the important part and start at the couch
We were canoodling and such while "watching" a movie and things got heated
Pants were taken off and so was underwear
But conversations were held in between that touch
Words spoken between each other of me saying NO to sex
Of me wanting to wait to have sex as I had just broken up with my ex
He agreed to wait and I trusted him
Trust given to practically a stranger
But I liked him, and he said he liked me
He said we were gonna go on dates
He called me beautiful
He said he respected me
His words obviously meant something else, BECAUSE
He got on top of me
And kissed me
Saying how much he wanted me
And how badly he wanted to do it
All I could say was "Don't do it."
And I said no
I said NO
He said "Don't worry, I won't do it."
He said he wouldn't do it
I trusted him NOT to do it
I repeated it over and over until all that was in my mind was "no"
I f***ing said no
I trusted him and thought so much of him
He gave me such good attention, how could he?
All I wanted was his affection
But not to him
The first word that popped into my mind was the word
The four letter R word
When it happened, I didn't know what to do
I felt like I couldn't do anything
I already said no, so why would he stop now?
Why would he?
But I put on a happy look and told him it was great
Like you're supposed to after sex
And raved to my friends
Like you're supposed to after your cherry's popped
And I even had sex with him again
So people knew it was all good
I denied it at first, thinking that he wouldn't have raped me
That's ridiculous
Me? Raped?
I don't get raped
I'm sixteen, that doesn't happen to me
I wasn't pinned down and held against my will
I wasn't drunk and unconscious
But I said no
It still bothers me
It still leaves a feeling of guilt inside
I feel like I could've done more to stop it
But I didn't
So do I have the right to call it rape?
Was I raped?
I said no
And no means no
And no is a sufficient answer

A part of my heart broke when I read it, for a lot of reasons. First of all, the obvious: she's my friend and ever since I found out about this I've been really worried about her. But it's more than just that. I know that the boy who did this to her is going to walk free for it. I know that she's still too scared, or hurt, or feeling too guilty, to tell anyone. Not even her mother.

But here's the worst part: my friend doesn't feel like she has the right to say she was raped. My friend, who did not give her consent, is under the impression that saying "no" isn't enough. That somehow this boy acting like he was entitled to decide if she was ready or not wasn't an issue.

Do you understand how insane that is?

We are growing up in a society that leads us to believe that unless you are held down against your will, unless you are drugged or unconscious, unless you are fighting with every ounce of strength you have, it's not rape.

When she first told me about this, my friend said she could have easily stopped him, but she didn't. And she had sex with him again a few weeks later. As if that is somehow the equivalent to consent.

That makes me want to be physically sick.

My friend's first time was taken away from her, and she doesn't feel like she has the right to say she was raped.

Why do we live in a world where anyone feels this way?

It is 2016, and when a girl wears a short skirt, she's "asking for it." I've had friends whose significant others tell them not to wear certain clothing because it perpetuates rape culture and they're going to get raped. Girls can wear whatever they want, and they're still not "asking for it." Rape is horrible and nobody wants it. We need to stop treating women like sexual objects. Women are people, people who do not give up their right to consent by dressing provocatively.

It is 2016, and if a someone gets raped, it's still something they did wrong. We need to put an end to victim blaming. Rape is never the victim's fault. Never.

It is 2016, and we are still acting with the idea that if a survivor didn't say "no," they somehow automatically said "yes." Consent must be given affirmatively and enthusiastically. It's not as if someone can do whatever they want to you up until you say no.

It is 2016, and we still assume that if a survivor didn't go to the police, they weren't really raped. Have you ever been to a police station? It's not exactly the most comforting place to open up. Not to mention, the rape trial is often called the "second rape" as the victim has to relive the incident over and over in front of their rapist and a whole room of people. There are a million reasons why a victim wouldn't want to go to the police.

It is 2016, and we still don't treat someone who got raped the same way we'd treat someone whose was the victim of any other crime. If someone told you they were robbed, would you say, "But weren't you kind of asking to get robbed? Since you have all that nice stuff?" No, you wouldn't. Because that makes absolutely no sense.

It is 2016, and we are still teaching our women how to avoid getting raped instead of teaching everyone about consent. Rape is the responsibility of the rapist, and people need to be taught how not to be a rapist instead of how not to get raped.

It is 2016, and we are still acting like the only people who get raped are women and the only rapists are men. Rape has no gender, age, race, or sexuality.

It is 2016, and I am sick of the way society treats rape victims. There's no excuse for it. We need to work together and make this world a place where rape survivors no longer feel like they have to pretend their rape never happened.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

- Though as a little girl, I had the silkiest, softest hair that would get compliments everywhere I went, since I turned about thirteen I've since had coarse, dry hair no amount of deep conditioning masks or sulfate-free shampoo could fix.

- I started using the Raincry's Condition Boar Bristle Brush several months ago, and while I noticed that my hair had been softer, silkier, and shinier than it had ever been, I didn't make the connection because I never thought a simple hairbrush could make any difference in my hair texture.

- I will be the first to admit that I thought it was ridiculous to spend nearly a hundred dollars on a hairbrush, but this one eliminates the need for me to use any heat tools or styling products on it.

- I put some oil or a serum in my hair when it's wet, brush my hair with the boar bristle brush once it's dry, and end up with the lowest maintenance, shiniest hair I've had since I was 8 years old.


Keep Reading... Show less

Bingeing a romantic comedy is always a good idea, and during this pandemic, these movies bring us one of the only elements of romance we can get. Through all the break-ups, obstacles, and struggles in our love lives, romantic comedies have always been there to make us laugh and keep us company while we cry.

While we love these movies for the beyond gorgeous male love interests, the female protagonists are still the ones we always remember. Although rom-coms are far from reality, it is always fun to imagine what our life would be like if a cinematic studio was behind our love life. So what does your favorite romantic comedies say about your dream guy?

Keep Reading... Show less

Whether you're in an unhealthy relationship currently, you know someone who is, or you just want to have these numbers saved just in case it could one day save someone's life (if not your own), this article is for you. Here are three numbers to save in your contacts ASAP so you can always be safe, both physically and mentally, in every relationship.

Keep Reading... Show less

As any poor college student, a little kick of caffeine for less than a dollar has always sounded great to me. So, naturally, AriZona Iced Tea has been a go-to for as long as I can remember.

Keep Reading... Show less

The NBA is back, and for basketball fans, like myself, it has been the BEST news we have heard since COVID-19 shutdown play indefinitely. I mean, come on, we need to see if James Harden can once again perform so well he has back-to-back 50 point games, Kawhi can lead another team to the championship title, and whether Giannis is going to be back-to-back MVP... among like 500 other things running through our heads!

In the midst of all of the amazing statistics and records that these players are breaking, though, we also just love the NBA because well, there are some pretty good looking guys out there. Here are the 19 hottest NBA players (in no particular order) you would totally let slam dunk on you now that the NBA has returned.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Everything You Need To Know About Macronutrients, Because A Diet Should Be More Than Calories

Pay attention to what you're eating, not just how much you're eating.

Plenty of people are familiar with the "calories in, calories out" (CICO) method of dieting which can be used for losing, gaining, or maintaining weight. This method relies on calculating a person's total daily energy expenditure (TDEE) to ensure that they are not overeating or undereating to achieve their desired weight. TDEE considers a person's height, weight, age, gender, and level of activity to determine what their caloric intake should be — some calculators can factor in body fat percentage as well. When I used a TDEE calculator online, it said that my TDEE would be 1,990 calories if I was trying to maintain my weight, but are all calories created equal? I'd argue that they're not.

It might seem obvious to some of you that 1,990 calories of macaroni and cheese are not healthy at all compared to 1,990 calories of varied foods (fruit, veggies, meat, bread, etc.).

Keep Reading... Show less

Just Because You're Asked To Be In A Wedding, Doesn't Always Mean You Should Say Yes

If you can't invest time, money, and YOURSELF, maybe say no to the offer for the bride's sake!

Being in a wedding is a really big commitment. I personally think if you've never been in one before, you don't understand the time, money, and energy that goes into being a part of it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Dear Closeted Latina,

You were never alone.

Remember how the Latin world got rocked when Ricky Martin came out?

Keep Reading... Show less

If you're anything like me, you're probably anxious about going back to college. The uncertainty of nearly everything is stressful and makes it difficult to prepare for going back to campus. Take it one step at a time and remain calm! If nothing else, take a look at this list of six essentials for living on campus during the COVID-19 pandemic! You got this!

Keep Reading... Show less

First, let's talk about some reasons people cheat in relationships in the first place:

1. They have low self-esteem.

Are you feeling like you are not good enough? Do you feel like you are not attractive enough? Feeling as if you are not worth the love can lead to self-sabotage.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments