I have been extremely blessed in my life to witness a lot of great relationships. Between my friends, siblings, and parents, I have learned that someone’s life goal should not be to obtain their idea of everlasting happiness, but instead to try and make someone else’s life a little more joyful. I have always tried to live that goal.
I may not be happy all the time, but maybe I can add to someone else’s. I don’t mind being uncomfortable, pained, sad, or depressed. It took me a long time, but now I see these emotions as signs that I am growing. I understand that if I can withstand this slight discomfort. I will end up in a better place.
Life is never going to be easy. Life is not fair. However, people always try to take the easiest way out of a problem. People don’t like pain so they avoid it. Nothing worth doing has ever been done while in the comfort zone. Nothing amazing and inspiring has ever been accomplished without a little pain and growth.
People often go into a relationship expecting it to be this perfect, esoteric thing where only good feelings are allowed. But those people are very wrong. Relationships take effort and work from both sides. Often, that effort and work are going to cause a little discomfort, maybe a little pain. But that is the process of growth!
You cannot go into a relationship with a lot of expectations because, honestly, most of them will be disappointed. You expect your girlfriend/boyfriend to always be there for you making you happy. You want those feelings from when you wake to when you go to bed. Real relationships aren't like that at first. You are going to be very disappointed. Then you will say some stupid things and will probably break up. Only to find out a month later, you still like that person. Now all you have is a looming pile of regret.
People don’t realize that life is not always fun and full of rainbows made of cotton candy. Relationships are tough cookies. If you aren’t willing to put the time into it, then you might as well end it. You will be a lot happier than feeling sad all the time because your partner does not make you happy. This brings me to my biggest point.
You are not responsible for anyone's happiness.
No matter what you think about happiness, happiness is above all else, a simple choice.
If you are in a relationship or starting one, the most important thing that I do is take a moment every know again and realize that the two of us are two very separate people, who each have individual journeys. Yes, I may want to share in that journey later, but it is not mine.
You can give your girlfriend/boyfriend opportunities to be happy, but you cannot make them happy.
That is their choice and it is out of your control. Your happiness and joy is your business and your significant others joy and happiness is their business. You can both grow together and help each other, but in the end, it is an individual journey to find joy and happiness. Sometimes, you are blessed to find someone to take with you on that journey to help you and have fun together. Sometimes, it is a lonely road.
I see this so many times! Someone who has been so blessed in life. Maybe blessed with a great relationship, a great job, great family, or maybe even just a simply great day, these people who have all these blessings are unhappy.
They refuse to find their own happiness. Instead, they try to leech their joy off other people. They try to find happiness in material things. They do drugs. They sleep around. They lie, cheat, and steal their way through life. Because to them, happiness is a destination. It is this elusive point they have to reach to be happy. They completely miss the point! They do not realize that they have a choice.
I have witnessed people choose to be sad because maybe they don’t feel very good for a day or maybe they have a little harder than average life. They could literally be the happiest people in the world if they simply choose not to let a little hiccup bring them down.
You need to realize your happiness does not depend on anything or anyone except for you. Your girlfriend/boyfriend can't actually fill your cup with joy. Maybe they can help you fill it. Maybe they can help you find ways to keep it full, but in the end, it is you who is responsible for it. You can't demand them to fill your cup every single day. They will never be able to fill your little cup of happiness without you choosing to accept it.
Even if they care more about you than anything else in the world, even if they put everything they have into making you happy, in the end, you will be unhappy and feel like they don't care about you because it is your responsibility to chose to be happy or not.
Before everyone goes off on me about how happiness is more than simply saying, “I am going to be happy today,” I know it is. However, if you always come to them expecting them to make you happy, you will never be happy. They can't make you happy. You have to let them make you happy. It is not their responsibility. Your happiness is your responsibility.
Only once you realize that it is only your choice and not someone else's choice are you able to choose to find the joy you are missing. Only then can you finally present yourself happy and full of joy to your partner in the relationship. Only then can you grow and develop together.
Happiness is so much more than surrounding yourself with people and things that you love. Yes, those are important! Yes, you need to find what makes you happy! Yes, you may need to let go of things and experience sadness to find what brings you joy! Yes, you actually have to put in work to be happy!
There is a fundamental growth in experiencing discomfort and pain. These steps are important to develop your happiness and joy. You can’t expect to slap a smile on your face day after day and be happy. Life does not work that way.
Every single person has to work through different crosses and burdens in their lives. Every single person has dark corners they are ashamed to reveal. Every single person struggles to get through some days.
However, at the end of all your work and all your pain, you still have to choose to be happy.
You can be happy amidst all of your pain and suffering. You can find joy in the struggles and burdens that are placed upon you day after day. You can choose to be happy because it’s your choice.
You can view these crosses as a means of growth and healing. You can view your depression and anxiety as emotions preluding a hidden joy.
“This is stupid!” “You’ve obviously never been depressed.” “You must never feel anxious.” Etc. This is what I expect you may be thinking.
Ok, I get that what I am saying may not be what you want to hear, but you can’t go through life expecting to be made happy by others! You will always face hardships! You will always have something looming over you trying to bring you down!
You can choose to take that pain and take that suffering and turn it into something bigger and better! Or you can give up and choose to be miserable because you won’t help yourself!
You can choose to be happy while suffering. No matter how terrible your life is, you always have the choice to see the brighter side. Choose to be happy because you know that once you are done with this pain, you are going to be a better person because of it. Once that suffering is over though, that feeling of pure joy without any pain around you is worth every single tear you shed to get there.
Sometimes, God blesses us with a person to share this personal journey of joy. Sometimes, He knows it is a better path to experience alone. God created you exactly how He wanted you. He knows what you need and don't need. So don't worry if you end up alone for a while on your journey. Not everyone is blessed to have a partner in their adventure for happiness. Be patient and know that your Creator is always with you watching over you providing you with oppurtunities to be happy and find joy! You only have to choose to accept those gifts to experience them. Happiness is a choice. Do you choose to be happy?
