It is now 2:30am and I have no idea what to write for this week. I am starting to type, hoping something will flow out, as it tends to do late in the night and early in the morning. I'm debating if this is Writer's Block, or just laziness, and although it is most likely the latter, I’m going to play it safe and assume it is a mixture of the two. But this is usually how I come up with good things to write: just have a small thought and let my brain do the rest of the work. It is all part of that “Insomnia Fueled Mind” aspect I created for myself, and it seems to fit.

But what is this insomnia fueled mind that I involve in my writing? Honestly, when I came up with the tagline, it was because it was something I thought of on the spot while creating my page, and it was well into the night when I should have been asleep. I guess I knew from the start of making my page that nine out of ten times, I would write my articles when I should be asleep, simply because I am awake and have thoughts running through my head that I just want to get out for some reason. But the funniest and ironic thing about it all is that I am not even sure if I am an insomniac. I have never been medically diagnosed, nor have I ever even taken steps to find out if I actually have insomnia, or another form of sleep disorders that may affect my sleeping patterns.

I have always had an issue with sleeping since middle school, where I would stay awake later than I should have, and sometimes end up falling asleep in class. It was worse when I was in high school, as every year went by it didn’t matter what class it was and at what time of the day I would somehow end up falling asleep in class. There were times where I would just flat out pass out at my desk not even knowing I was asleep, and to this day, even in college, I find that I still have this issue. I convinced myself after a while that maybe I had narcolepsy, a condition that causes someone to fall asleep at any moment, and it caused a lot of grief to me and my teachers. Now I know it is not good to self-diagnose even if I think that I may have insomnia and/or suffer from narcolepsy, but that is something for me to go to a doctor to find out, which I may want to do and should’ve done a long time ago.

I don’t even know why I stay up late. No one is up usually, so I don’t have anyone to talk to, or anything to do. I`m mainly up in my room on my bed with my laptop and my finger pressing the down arrow scrolling through Facebook a million times for zero reasons, or finding something entertaining on YouTube to occupy my mind. Sometimes, I just sit in bed and look at my room till I fall asleep, or now typing my ramblings for submission to be posted online. When I do get to sleep, I tend to not be able to get up out of bed easily, and sleep well past noon if I have the opportunity to, especially in the summer where I sleep in till almost three in the afternoon and have to be at work in two hours-- fun, huh?

The night is just a nice time for me, it’s a time where I can actually relax and just have time to myself and with my thoughts despite what they may be. There is something about the night that is actually comforting and peaceful, where the day just seems to be very busy and weird and sometimes uncomfortable. The night time and late hours is where I can just let go of things and separate myself from, well myself if that makes sense? My body just kind of shuts down for a while and I get to be alone with myself as my mind processes the events of the day and I just stay awake as my mind does so and do whatever I can find to do to occupy my time. This is a time where I come up with some of my thoughts on life and other stuff that make me who I am. This is what my insomnia fueled mind is, I guess.