It’s the holidays -- also known as the most wonderful time of the year. You are going home to eat real food. Yo are not worrying about homework or the group projects that are slowly killing you inside. No. You are on your way home to put all of the stress from school behind you. You’re surrounded by family and couldn’t be happier -- that is, until they start with the questions.
1. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
What I will want to say:
No, not at the moment, but thank you for constantly being so concerned with my love life that this is always your first question. Trust me, if by some miracle that time ever comes, you will know. The world will know. I will yell it all the way home for you to hear. And to answer a little more specifically because I know you are still questioning me -- no, I am not a lesbian.
What I will say:
Nope, not right now. (Smiles politely)
2. What are you studying, again?
What I will want to say:
I'm actually fresh off of my latest panic attack about not knowing what I am doing with my life. I have changed my major more than I have changed my shirt this week. So I’m going to pass on this question. I’ll figure it out. I still have time. Right? Get off my back.
What I will say:
I’m thinking pre-law.
3. What do you want to do with that, you know, after college?
What I will want to say:
I can’t even commit to whether I want Burger King or McDonald's for dinner. What makes you think I can make decisions like what I will do for the rest of my life? Don’t insult me with your optimism.
What I will say:
You know -- probably along the lines of what (insert successful relative’s name here) is doing.
4. How are your grades?
What I will want to say:
You know when you’re on a roller coaster at a carnival and you know you are going to throw up but it’s just a matter of whether or not you will make it to the end of the ride? Yea, that’s how my grades are going.
What I will say:
Really good, actually. Might get straight As this semester.
5. Your mom is always telling me how busy you are. What are you up to?
What I will want to say:
Well I currently just re-watched all 10 seasons of "One Tree Hill" and am making a speedy progression through season 16 of "Law and Order SVU." So, you could say things are getting pretty busy.
What I will say:
Well classes keep me pretty busy.
6. How is the weather over there?
What I will want to say:
Well, seeing as how I’m still in Florida, it is what you'd expect. It is still usually a solid 90 degrees even in November. I get to class drenched in sweat, smelling like a grown man who just ran a marathon. And, trust me, people notice.
What I will say:
It’s actually not as cold as you’d think, but it’s really nice.
