I always thought I had to be the best. Acing an exam wasn't a joyous occasion; after all, more followed. When my fingers couldn't move fast enough for the piano or when my breath wasn't long enough to play a flute piece, I felt helpless. The only thing I could do was keep going. At some point last year, I asked myself, "For whom am I making such an effort? For what? What happens when I'm out of school and there's no one to tell me what to accomplish by a deadline?" As I thought about the answers to those questions, I started to realize that even if I become a billionaire, when I pass away, none of it is permanent. Even if I marry the best man in the universe, we both pass away at some point. Even if I discovered the law of gravity, people would only remember my name and no one would care about my life.
I asked myself, "What is my purpose in life?"
Do I want fame? Do I want good fortune? No, fame and fortune are fleeting.
Thus, I started my search for something permanent. Or someone permanent. I dived into my Bible, searching for someone permanent. Church has taught me that there is something permanent. As I began to seriously ask questions like "Why are there disasters in the world if God is good?" and "How come Jesus didn't come to the Gentiles first?" and "Why did God choose Israel?" I searched through the text. I found an organization on campus called InterVarsity where I'm able to ask for help with these questions as we read through the text together. I found mentors who have guided me along the way to find out whether God is real. I realized so much about God's character, about His boldness and sovereignty. Although I grew up in the church, I never had to question why I was a Christian. Now that I'm in college, there are people who challenge me, even those who ask me to try out new religions. One of my most trusted mentors, to my surprise, told me to go ahead. Jesus was never afraid of anyone and with him at the front, who am I to be afraid?
