Something I’ve personally struggled with in the past few years is what I believe in. Go figure, right? Typical college student. When I was in 4th grade, I started attending a Baptist Christian school, and what do you do want to do when you start a new school? Fit in. So, I proudly walked around claiming, “I’m saved!” even though I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be. I readily and willingly accepted a religion without question because everyone around me did. I started to create my personality around this false belief of self I didn’t really have.
It wasn’t until high school that I started asking questions. I started to realize that I was developing my own beliefs that didn’t quite match up with the beliefs I was told to have. I started asking questions, started seeing the holes in my belief system. I’m sure you can imagine this didn’t go well among my Christian teachers who promptly sent me to the guidance counselor to pray. But I didn’t want to pray anymore. I wanted answers. I had built myself around something that didn’t reflect who I was. I didn’t want to be part of it anymore, but who was I without it?
I’m not going to bore you with the full story, but it took until very recently for me to understand that it’s okay to change what you believe in, and it’s okay for not everything to make sense in what you believe in. It’s okay to not have all the answers, and you should always keep questioning what you believe and what others believe.
It doesn’t make it false or bad to question what you believe in. Asking questions is good because it helps us to find ourselves. We shouldn’t just readily accept other people’s truths or readily accept our own without challenging it. Challenging can make things weaker, but it can also make them stronger. I think it’s okay to know that you can change your beliefs; that doesn’t make you bad or hypocritical. None of us are the same person we were a week ago. I’m not the same person with the same beliefs I was in high school, and I’m so glad for that. And I’m sure I’ll be much different in another decade.
I may not know what’s out there, but that doesn’t upset me anymore. I get to search for new answers every day. I’ve learned that questioning the world, questioning religion is a good thing; it’s made me stronger. By questioning, I’ve learned that it’s okay to not have all the answers because none of us do. And side note? How terribly boring would that be? I know I’m never going to come to an absolute truth, but you know what? That’s okay. I used to be angered and frustrated by this, but I’m rather indifferent to and fairly content with that now. I don’t know, but it’s okay to not know. I’m comfortable with what I believe in, and I’m interested in what others believe in. I know those beliefs may change over time, and I’m open to that. I don’t need a definite truth to have beliefs, and I personally think people would be a lot happier if they stopped worrying about having all the answers. Life’s about questioning things to gain greater knowledge and understanding, but I don’t think it’s about getting all knowledge or understanding everything. That’s impossible. Question what you can, challenge your beliefs, learn more and understand more, but don’t get frustrated when you can’t learn/understand it all because that’s life. And honestly? What would you do then?
