I have a habit of falling for the wrong guys. Whether it’s the nice guy who showers me in gifts and attention, or the “bad boy” who smokes and has tattoos, I always end up with the wrong guy. I have just never found that person that makes me not want anyone else- so I end up looking for him.
While there’s nothing wrong with looking, it oftentimes leads you to the wrong people. Throughout these encounters with guys who are so undeniably not for me, I have learned some very important things about myself, that a lot of other girls can relate to.
You like the attention, not him.
I know when you’ve been single for a while, you crave the relationship. There’s something about waking up next to someone, or cuddling and watching movies that are just instinctive to want. But you have to ask yourself, do I like him as a person or just the idea of him?
I have fallen into some seriously self-depreciating spirals over that question. I will adamantly argue with my friends that I truly like a guy. But when his name lights up on my phone, I’m not that excited. I know what I want, and its hard to find that. I have compromised my standards for guys before, and it’s not worth it. Trust me.
After the millionth time I figure out that the guy I was trying to get into a relationship with, wasn’t what I really wanted, I discovered the one- question method to figure out whether or not it would work.
You see, I view dating as the process of finding your husband. You don’t want to waste years of your life, and hundreds of new experiences for a person you won't end up with. I'm not saying I'm looking for my husband right now, but I don’t want to waste my time with someone who completely and 100% is not him.
So here it is:
The front porch test.
In 50 years, when you’re sitting on the front porch with your husband, could that be him?
I know that is a tough question as a 20-something-year-old, but it is a question that should be considered. If you can, without a doubt, rule him out with that question, you’re one step closer to finding the person that is a “yes”.
Don’t confuse actual feelings with attraction- either physical or sexual. I’ve tried dating guys that I would’ve been embarrassed to bring home to my family, much less would want to sit on the porch with, in 50 years.
So, there’s my advice to rule out those guys that seem like a great idea now. You have to ask yourself these questions now, you so don't regret in 20 years, when he turns out not to be the guy you thought he was.
If you can’t see that guy sticking with you through anything that life throws at you, dump him.
If you can’t imagine him crying while you walk down the aisle, he’s not the one for you.
If you couldn’t see him being the one holding your hand while you give birth to your first child, dump him.
If you can’t imagine him supporting you through everything you want to try in life, why try with him now?
It seems preemptive to ask yourself these questions now when you’re this young. But, now is the best time. You’re young enough to still see his potential.
But if he doesn’t answer yes to those questions now, do you think it will magically change in five years?
I don’t.
If you’re unsure about a guy now, ask yourself these questions, and never settle for less than you deserve.
