I am fully aware that the context of this article is intersecting with every girl that is either 19 or 20 writing articles with titles such as: "10 ways to have fun this summer in your college town (without drinking🙂)" or "Why you can be with your boyfriend now even if you don't see a future with him", but this article needed to be written. Therefore, I'm taking to the online streets that I have seen nobody stroll on since 2016.

Without any acknowledgement of my grammar I will be writing about a former roommate (and current good friend) of mine that has officially ignited my extensive fuse of frustration by moving his birthday on Facebook earlier just to make me think I forgot his birthday. This kid got me so upset that I am currently sitting in the East Troy McDonalds writing this article as the employee yells for order 345 and I am 6 orders, 3 McDoubles and a couple reminiscing about the McRib away from my order.

Anyways, about why I'm frustrated about Austin Watzka. Over the course of 23 years on this earth I have taken pride in my very stupid and innocent pranks on people. Whether it's flipping my mothers cow pictures over, or taking the stickers off of apples and sticking it on people's backs. I have always used these playful tactics as ways to make my dreary day feel a little better. By the time I met Austin I signed a lease at his house with his two chipper roommates, Brennon and Dylan. It was inevitable that Stin would enjoy my presence considering I was replacing an individual that couldn't make joy out of winning the lottery and I think he did. The second I met Stin I knew he would be a prime target for my pranks and boy was he ever. Every time he had a meal I hid is plate where he couldn't reach it. I knew he was lactose intolerant so I always made sure to sneak cheese into his meals and constantly gave him shit for being a lactose intolerant Packer fan. When we went downtown I made sure to wear the exact same things as him. I sat in his lucky couch on gamedays (he's one of those superstitious morons). When he did sit in the chair, I made sure to knock his footrest down. Dylan and I watched an entire YouTube series and made a laundry list of inside jokes about it without him even knowing. I never followed him on twitter because I wasn't sure if I could handle him talk about the Green Bay Packers like EL James does sexual escapades in 50 Shades of Grey. I even applied to jobs with the University of Miami just to give him the worry that I'd be headed there too.

After time, Stin started to catch on to these antics. He adapted like a Darwinian Finch in the Galápagos Islands. For the first time in my human history an individual was able to frustrate me off of my style of jokes more than I could frustrate them. On nights I felt like getting a good nights sleep, Stin made sure to stick a Smirnoff Ice in my pillowcase. He let me use his headphones on runs, but it was only when they had low battery. I always wanted to play Austin one on one in basketball, after a year of asking, he finally let me just two days after I was ill and bed-ridden so he could just barely lose opposed to getting his ass kicked. He called my kick "shitty" even though it's got as much Power as Bruce Lee's. Once he realized I didn't follow him on twitter, I felt bad and decided to follow him but he clapped back by not accepting my follow request claiming "he didn't know how to". But the two that drew the line are the most recent "pranks".

If you know Stin and I you would know we are good Catholic boys. We go to church once in a while and he even attended a private school that probably cost as much as my college did. One requirement for being a good catholic boy is following Lenten traditions. After about a day of me responding to Stins texts in inspirational quotes from icons such as Plato and Euripides, Stin decided to ghost me FOR FORTY DAYS. The first three days I couldn't tell if he was joking but boy he wasn't and he followed through on what he says will be "a yearly tradition". The newest prank that I'm convinced is a prank is him changing his birthday to an earlier date on Facebook. He also got his girlfriend in on the joke by having her post an Instagram picture of the two in his new stomping grounds of Miami. I've never actually been able to celebrate Stins birthday with him because he likes to pretend he's David Hasselhoff every summer and sometimes I went to intern in Colorado.

Based on these past contexts I refuse to believe his birthday is today. It was made sense that it was in mid to late June base on his personality. One thing Stin knows about me is that I love birthdays and know everybody's birthday of the top of my head which is why I believe he changed it to guilt me in a VERY GOOD PRANK.
With all of that said I am the goose of this prank. I'm taking an L today and I am not happy about it. I would like to thank Oddessy for accepting an article that is nothing similar to what a 19 year old girl would write. Also a quick mention to all of you teachers or want-to-be teachers, shut up about my grammar because I don't give a shit. Like I really really don’t so please save yourself time from commenting on it.

- JSchlabachdaily

PS: Happy birthday Stin..maybe