Got priorities? Yeah me too. All kinds of out of order. I mean seriously whack, guys. My day to day goes in so many different directions whether I'm begging for adventure or seeking monotony. But do you ever have someone tell you something that makes you feel like this door you didn't even know you've been stuck behind has just opened up to everything you need in that moment? Holy cow listen to this.
This summer I got this kind of eye opening almost weekly from something or another. One of these times was at a nondenominational church that in itself introduced me to a whole new, relaxed way to share community and Jesus. One of the valuable Sundays I got to spend there, the pastor of sorts said this: "When first things are first, second things are better."
I know right? How good is that! Think about how true that is though. When you get the big things in your life right, the supplementary stuff falls in line too. I think this is really interesting because to me I've always known what to put first; you know when you grow up Catholic you get this five-finger lecture with God going first and yourself going last behind others. So that's pretty straight forward to a kid. But now, I mean wow. Do I always see that or keep that number one reserved? I don't think so.
Here's the thing that I didn't realize until this Sunday. By putting Him first, you're kind of putting yourself first too. You see, He's got the plan for YOU. He's got you in his grasp and works on you everyday. And I think we all get little displays of this here and there.
Lately with the whole priority jumble I have no idea what the heck is going on with my life sometimes. I'm questioning time and purpose and relationships and attitudes, all of it. Some days I know exactly what I'm looking at and the next I'm over here questioning why I'm doing every little thing. I'm overthinking the past, speculating about every detail of my future, and stressing over how hazy everything seems. And then this happens.
On Sunday I forgot that mass was outside across campus and not at the church. So as I pulled into the parking lot about 10 minutes before mass is about to start and see that no one else is there then remember last week's announcements, I am two turns away from just skipping out and going to get Bread Co. for dinner. See you can do that when you're the only one in charge of whether you do or don't go to church in college. But I felt guilty so turned around and went to mass.
Good thing I did because I think the Bishop (yes very special) was talking directly to me. I mean I started out super zoned out not paying any attention and all of a sudden he's word for word describing the chaos that's taken up in my head. I could have smiled or cried it was that spot on. I have never felt that way in this setting. So normally after mass I grab food and get out, but I had to say something. The Bishop handed me a copy of the homily and told me he wrote it that day.
To think if I hadn't put what needed to be first in first, I would have never got that message and that kind of clarity. To think if I had chosen second things over first things, that my mind wouldn't have rested so easy.
So to anyone who needs it, here's some of what he said:
"People are asking the wrong question when they say 'what do you want to do with your life?' because the right question is 'what does the Lord want you to do with your life?' The answer to that is true happiness because you'll be living for something bigger than yourself."
"Every one of us has some area of personal brokenness deep down that is a source of self-questioning anxiety and we pretend it isn't there but it is. That wound is a gift because that whole in your heart is the opening where Jesus can enter your life."
Pretty amazing, right?
