Did you go pumpkin picking with your crush to impress her but then realized you're lazy and untalented and don't know how to carve one? Here are some alternatives ideas to make use of your pumpkin:
1. Bowling!
2. Make some good breakfast shit with those seeds. Mmmmmmm pumpkin seeds.
3. Try to balance one on your head for 7 minutes while making out with your best friends mom
4. Play beer pong with a pumpkin and then win and then brag to all your friends that you just won a game of beer pong with a pumpkin.
5. Use them as weights. Get swole!
6. Send a pumpkin to your grandma! She loves pumpkins! She spends too much time trying to knit Van Gough's "Starry Night" into your scarf and it's really embarrassing. So she needs a pumpkin to better occupy her time.
7. Why do you carve something you love? That's so mean!
8. Sell it on amazon. With that money, buy the newest edition of your favorite video game and then play that video game with your newest girlfriend but let her win because that will make her like you a lot and she'll want to play you again. Then, beat her. In the game! Don't physically beat your girlfriend!!
9. Use it as a bookend. Make your shelf look nice!
10. Stop pretending it's a testicle!
11. Play on it during a "Pulse" show. Does a pumpkin count as a found instrument? What the fuck is a found instrument?
Now go out there and shine like the shining star you are. Happy Halloween. And you're costume isn't as sexy or funny or ironic as you think it is.




















