Fleeting moments, much like shooting stars, are what life is made of. It is impossible to catch them all, no brain capable of remembering every detail and not enough time in the world to relive them. Parenting is only a speck, only one fleeting moment out of our short lives. Children are only children for so long. There are only so many lessons a parent can teach a child and only so many lessons a child can learn. Whether you believe in God or another higher power, you were born equipped with a specific life plan, tailored specifically to you - otherwise known as "destiny."
Throughout time, you are given the knowledge to be equipped with certain lessons to teach, certain lessons to learn and certain lessons to relive over and over again. Some of these lessons are easy, like learning how to ride a bike or how to tie your shoes. Those lessons are almost never forgotten. Some lessons are much deeper, more evolved and over thought, like when to ask for help. Then there are some of these lessons you relive, time and time again. These are lessons in humility.
As a parent, I hate to admit failure. I hate to admit that sometimes I don't meet certain goals I set for myself or our children. Our three-year-old is still in pull ups despite the fact she was potty trained over six months ago. Our almost two-year-old is now taking a pacifier and I'm not 100 percent sure why. These are failures in my eyes. Failures that I live with every day. These failures are lessons in humility. While I dwell on the fact that I feel like I'll be sending our oldest off to college with pull ups in her bag and trying to pry a pacifier out of a teenager’s mouth, I am also humbled.
For whatever reason, I was given the chance to be a parent. I was trusted by God, by a higher power and I was given a child. Not just one child, but two. Yes, our three-year-old is in pull ups still. Yes, our almost two-year-old is now using a pacifier. These aren’t really failures though, are they? After looking back and reevaluating everything I have ever believed in, everything I have ever promoted, I fall back on destiny. Maybe our three-year-old is still in pull ups because I’m too afraid to let her go. Maybe our two-year-old is now taking a pacifier because she can sense the little changes that are happening so fast. These changes are all a part of growing up and maybe that’s what I am truly afraid of.
I am not afraid of failure. I am not afraid to ask for help. I am afraid of time. My biggest problems right now are the pull ups and pacifiers. Those problems are temporary and can be controlled. In a few years, my problems are going to be much bigger, much more worrisome and they will keep me up at night. The worst part about those problems is that they aren’t always going to be something that I, as a mom, can fix. Moms can’t fix broken hearts. They can’t fix friendships gone south. Moms can’t make all the hard decisions in her children's lives.
This is where, I, as a parent have lessons to learn. I must suck it up, put my big girl panties on, and learn to let go. For the first time, I need to let our children be in control. I must learn to trust our three year old enough to let her wear big girl panties without scolding her if she has an accident. I must learn how to allow our youngest to fully take in what it means to be a big girl and completely take the pacifiers away. I must learn to have faith in all of the lessons I have instilled in our children so far and have faith that everything is going be okay.
I must learn to appreciate these fleeting moments because that’s all they are. Our wonderful children are asleep in their beds under our roof right now. One day they will be under a different roof, perhaps in a different state, wherever their destiny takes them. For now, I just need to try to catch every moment, try to remember every detail of their sweet little faces, and try to relive all of these moments over and over again. There is only so much time and so many opportunities to be a shooting star in our children's lives.