Dear Freshman-self,

I know you are feeling discouraged right now. Finals are just around the corner, you still have not convinced yourself that the cafeteria food you are eating can be considered “real food”, and you and your roommate are still not BFF’s. Stress is at an all time high, and no matter how many hours your spend on the treadmill, nothing seems to ease the constant buzzing in your mind of all the things you have to do.

Most importantly, I know that you still have not found friends that you really connect with. So face it, I know you are lonely. Right now, you feel like the only people that really understand you are the ones you left at home. You feel like the only people that understand you are at other colleges, having fun, and living a much more exciting life than you are.

I am here to tell you that it gets better. Maybe the stress levels don’t get better (because college is the hardest test of your ability to manage your time you’ll ever encounter), and maybe the homework load never eases up. But don’t fret, because the friends problem that you are feeling, that definitely gets better. And with those friends, that homework load will feel lighter, that anxiety buzzing in your ear will mute, and that food you have to eat at the cafeteria will taste much better. Ok, that last one might have been a lie, but we are just going to pretend that happens.

So I want you to remember that friendships take time. I know it feels like college is already happening so fast. Just yesterday, it felt like you were still rolling out of bed at 7 a.m. to try to make it to first period at 7:35 a.m. (Thank god that’s over). But think about it, college started in August, and you are reading this in November—it has only been three months! Those friendships that you left behind at home to embark on the first step of your “adult” journey have been going strong for at least three years. A three-year relationship cannot be formed in three months.

I know you better than you think. I know you are an introvert, and making friends is hard—it is really, really hard! And I know that you want to transfer, because in your head, maybe the people here just are not the kind of people you could be friends with. Maybe the campus here does not facilitate “friend-making” as well as a different campus would. But I am begging you to just give it time.

And so here are my tips for you (because I know you like lists):

1. Get involved

You have seen this tip on every list about “college life” ever. But seriously, this is a good one. Get involved in activities, and clubs, and groups that interest you. Find a reason to stay at school. By getting involved in these activities, it means that there are people relying on you, and counting on you to get things done. These people believe in your ability to do well, and trust you. This trust will let you grow, and help you integrate into the campus community more than you ever thought you could be

2. Be open

I know you are quick to judge people’s character, but give them a chance. I know that you hate superficial relationships, and crave deeper ones. But I learned this only this year—superficial relationships lead to deeper relationships. So be open to people. There are a lot of really interesting people just waiting for a friend like you.

3. Don’t be afraid

This is my final tip to you, and what I think is the best one. I know you that you have been eyeing those Student Activities posters, and those posters asking writers to contribute to the campus paper. But, the thing stopping you from actually pursuing those interests are invisible fences you have put up yourself. You are afraid of what people will think. You are afraid that participating in these activities is not worth your time. You are afraid that you will be the only freshman. But do not be afraid. Do not be afraid that people will judge you, that you will be alone. Because honestly, those people that judge you based on your activities and involvement on campus are not worth your time. And that fear that you will be alone is not even a thing—joining a group means you become part of community that already has a common interest. And common interest= friendship.

I know life feels difficult right now. I know college is scary because you thought you had it all figured out when you left high school. But remember that there are people that love you, and only want you to succeed. I am watching you grow right now, and you are doing just fine. So keep on keepin’ on. It will all be ok in the end.

Loving you in the past, the present, and the future,

Your future self