Listen, people. I get it. We're in a crowded metal shoebox for at least twenty minutes a day, suffocating because we're squished into a corner where some dude is about to fall and sit in our lap. Getting to and from class every day is a freaking pain in the ass. But when the other option is to drive in circles in a seemingly never ending, full parking garage for an hour each morning... having a stranger's back pack shoved in your face doesn't seem so bad.
Good news, y'all. Some basic etiquette, if everyone follows it, will make those bus rides suck less. Also, they'll make you a decent human being. What an awesome idea.
1. For the love of God -- Shower.
Or at least put deodorant on. Gentleman: bathing in Axe body spray is the absolute worst thing you can do to a bus full of people. Also, you probably should have stopped using Axe years ago.
2. One seat per person.
Newsflash: Your backpack is not a person. Put it on the ground or in your lap. Also don't sprawl out. This is a public transportation system, not your living room recliner.
3. Seats are for butts, not your feet.
How would you like if I put my feet all over your aforementioned recliner, hmm?
4. There is a special place in hell for people who make out and engage in excessive PDA.
It's not romantic, it's tacky. And everyone will hate you.
5. When it gets crowded, move away from the entrances.
I literally cannot stress this enough. I don't care if you don't like the back. Move. To. The. Back. Don't just stand in the way so nobody can get back there. MOVE TO THE BACK. (Remember in elementary school, where the back of the bus was the cool place to sit? Well that should still be a thing.)
6. This should be obvious, and is kind of against the law, but don't smoke!
Nobody is so addicted to nicotine that they can't wait until they get off. Smoke a whole damn pack when the second you step off the bus, for all I care, but riding on public transportation (trains and subways, too) is not the time or place for it.
7. If someone looks handicapped (or injured), pregnant or just looks in general looks like they are really struggling with life that day, offer them your seat.
Gentleman, you do not have to offer your seat to ladies, unless maybe you are realllllly trying to woo them, or something. But, and this goes for anyone and everyone, if you can easily stand on two feet on a moving bus, and somebody else doesn't look like they are able to, then offer them the coveted bus seat and enjoy the good karma that follows.
8. Don't push.
And don't sarcastically roll your eyes if someone accidentally shoves into you. Don't give people crap because you are uncomfortable... literally everyone is uncomfortable.
9. Don't leave your trash.
This should be obvious. That is so unbelievably rude and disgusting. Also don't vandalize the bus, it does not belong to you.
10. Say. Thank. You.
Just like your mom taught you.
11. Let people off of the bus before you rush to get on.
Not only is this common sense for a quick, easy, and efficient bus boarding experience, but them getting off is freeing up more seats for you and it honestly takes about fifteen seconds longer.
12. Cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough.
Buses are breeding grounds for sickness to spread, so try to keep your germs to yourself.
13. Do everything you can to avoid vomiting.
It happens more often than you think. When you do that, you ruin the bus for e v e r y o n e. If you think you might vom, get off. Or don't even get on in the first place. Duh.
14. Be a generally self-aware person and don't have conversations while screaming at the top of your lungs.
Nobody on the bus cares about what your boyfriend texted you or what your bro did the other night when he was drunk at the party, and it's extremely annoying. You are seriously doing a public service to the world by using your indoor voices or, preferably, no voice at all.
15. If someone looks like they don't want to talk to you, then don't talk to them.
If you are really bad at picking up social cues, this is someone who is looking at their phone, expressionless, with headphones in. Not everyone wants to make friends on the bus-- actually most people don't. But if that is your thing, than find the people who reciprocate it and don't force friendship on people who are clearly not social butterflies like you.
Did that seem like common sense? It is. But judging on my bus rides, at least 70% of people in the world just don't get it. This is public transportation y'all, not an exclusive limo service that you are entitled too. Get it together, and one day, we might be able to share a bus ride in peace and harmony. Maybe.
