Friendships develop when people are thrown together and have shared experiences, points of view, or are maybe just open to others and their thoughts and experiences. There are many different ways that friendships can be birthed but doesn’t it all really rely on serendipity and propinquity (Great word, right? It means to be close in proximity to someone or something)? Doesn’t it all really rely on fate? Who you happen to be sitting next to in a class, who you pass on the sidewalk, who you meet through common connections etc.? Doesn’t it all really rely on who’s there, then, at a certain moment in your life? You develop connections whether intentional or non-intentional with those that are a part of your daily life, and often drift away from those that aren't.

I was recently brought to the realization that relationships are impermanent. As Sarah Kass wrote about Buddhism’s approach to this topic in her blogpost entitled Existential Being-Toward-Friendships, “If everything in this world is impermanent, including relationships, then it is inevitable that all relationships will end at some point.” Everything that is comes and goes. Everything and everyone is impermanent. Everyone that comes into your life will leave it at some point or another for some reason or another.

Now, this isn’t to say that one should now sink into the existential thinking that since everyone will eventually leave, there is no point in making and develop friendships with people. This merely elucidates the importance of independence over codependence, and, at the same time, the value of the time that one has with the people one comes to know and care about at different points in one's life. I believe that it is very important to really know and love oneself, to develop an inner strength, and to reach out from that place of personal love and fortitude and find and grow friendships with those around one here and now. Leave the space of fear and insecurity of what the future may hold for you and your relationships, and enter a space of love, warmth, and appreciation of the here and now.

Returning to my original statement that friendships rely primarily on serendipity, and propinquity, I am going to make what may seem to be a rather radical statement. You have no control. You cannot control who comes into your life, and you cannot control when they come into your life, as you cannot control when they leave your life. You have no control. What you can take control of, however, is how you nurture your present relationships.

I have spent a portion of this summer, nay, this year saddened at the thought of losing people who have become very important to me, but that’s life, c’est la vie, and that's okay. Beings lose other beings, making the time they have with those around them even more valuable. We lose, that simply is. But, while mourning the loss of faded friendships, let’s not lose the present, vibrant friendships we could be having and developing. Don’t be afraid to meet and make ties with those who have been thrown into your life, welcome them, and get to know them. Let them become unique to you, and let yourself become unique to them. Now I'm lifting my head to see the incredible people and friendships I have about me here, at this point in my life, and it's so freeing. I feel free to get to know, appreciate, and experience everything and everyone around me. It's beautiful, it's a beautiful feeling. They are all there for a reason after all. Friendships may be based primarily fate and seeming convenience, but, as I said, they are there for a reason, and it’s up to you to realize what that reason is.

So, turn to that person sitting next to you in class, or say hi to that person you pass on the sidewalk, and unlock the possible relationships that may be right there, sitting in front of you, walking beside you. Lift your head. It all starts with a "hi."