So, I already know that this article is going to get a lot of flak just by the title. Topics like modesty are so inherently ingrained in our values about who we are as people and I think that that often leads us to think other people should act in the same way. However, I am very into the idea of everybody being able to choose the way they live their life without the fear of being judged.
Modesty, in our culture, is typically understood as dressing in a way to discourage sexual attraction in others. The problem I have with the term is how disproportionately it is hurled at women. Women are expected to cover their collarbones, breasts, shoulders, stomachs, legs, backs, butts, etc. The way I most often hear these rules explained is that we, as women, have to cover up so as not to tempt men with our bewitching lady parts. This promotes the ideal that men can't control themselves and that women are responsible for protecting their virtue and purity by hiding their bodies. Now, most men are more than capable of containing themselves and if they aren't, then the problem lies within the man, not the clothes.
I fully understand that there is a right time and place for certain types of outfits. I certainly wouldn't wear a bikini to the office, just as no one would wear a suit to the beach. Certain settings, like church or work, definitely are places where I am more conservative in how I choose to dress. The problem is, no matter where you are, if your outfit is deemed "immodest" then you are pegged as not respecting yourself, and therefore, not deserving of others' respect.
Every woman I know probably has a story about a time when she was catcalled or chastised for the way she was dressed. I remember taking some senior pictures outside the studio and getting honked and whistled at by passersby. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of the dress I was wearing and wanted to hide. I remember being told to cover up because I had a tank top on that was less than three-fingers wide. My appearance was a distraction and that half-inch of shoulder was keeping others from learning.
A lot of women blame men alone for modesty-shaming, but much of what I hear comes from other women. We translate the amount of fabric covering her body as how much she respects herself. If she's wearing a skirt that short, then she must be looking for attention. Thought patterns like this allow us to sit on our proverbial high horses and judge others for how they don't conform to our own personal values.
As long as you are comfortable and are dressing for yourself and not for others, then I think you should be able to wear whatever you want. How tight your clothes are or how high your heels are don't define you as a person. As long as you are kind and leave this world better for your place in it, then you go ahead and rock your leggings or your muumuu and get on with your day. There are much bigger things to focus on than judging each other by our covers.
