I've worked in the restaurant business ever since I was 15 years old, going from cashier, to hostess, and eventually to server once I turned 18. Out of the three restaurants I've served at, only one's atmosphere didn't feel predatory.
That's right, PREDATORY. Until being hired for my current job, I was working for companies that, not only permitted, but promoted sexism and sexual harassment in the work environment. I brushed off the comments about my body, the demands that I smile more, and lack of appreciation for my commitment on a daily basis, but nothing was ever enough to make me quit. Not until the harassment started to become physical.
Once that happened, I then had to make a decision about if I wanted to let it continue. I didn't. So, at twenty years old, I had to report my boss to Human Services and relay to them everything he ever said and did to me. I was embarrassed, even though I did nothing wrong; I was victimized simply for being a young woman in a kitchen overrun by male authority figures. I had to share every uncomfortable and violating thing I had dealt with in my work environment, and nothing ever seemed to be enough. I did everything I could to be clear and honest, and still, no one was fired. No one was even reprimanded.
It just seems like the restaurant business is especially lax about issues of sexual harassment and sexism, and I'm still trying to figure out why. I'm at a loss, but I have learned how to "deal with it" like I've always been told to do.
So, ladies (I hate that term), I've compiled an array of suggestions as to how to survive in the restaurant business as a woman. Based on my experiences, my recommendations are as follows:
1. First and foremost, never show your shoulders in the work place, even if you work outside and it's 95 degrees out. I mean, duh, didn't you learn this in school? Shoulders that carry bra straps are inappropriate.
2. Make sure you have a "fresh faced look". While men are literally only required to practice baseline hygiene, you've got to make sure that you sparkle like the little trinket that you are, otherwise people will find you unattractive, and that makes their food downright inedible.
Also, you don't have to wear makeup, but it is "recommended."
3. Make sure your face muscles never get tired, so that you can smile like a Barbie doll for your whole entire 8 hour shift. Otherwise, you'll definitely look like a bitch. No matter how nice and helpful you are, none of that matters if you're not showing teeth.
Oh yeah, and if you're boiling hot, don't lose that smile when you're literally panting. Then you'll look like "you'd kick a puppy". Don't make people fear for their puppy's safety.
4. If you're naturally quieter or more stoic, stop being who you are. Your boss will definitely call you unfriendly/unpleasant. Even in the mornings, if you don't explode with happiness when they say "good morning", they'll think you're a bitch. Nobody likes a bitch.
5. When male customers call you "sweetie", "baby", or "hun" don't politely request that they call you by your name, that's rude. It's totally their right to disrespect you and to have you shut up about it.
6. Just as is the case in most professions, your male bosses will trust their male employees more than they trust you. You're often going to be babied, as if you don't know how to do your job, even if you are one of the most reliable employees in the place. Don't tell them you've got it, or that you already know what to do. They'll assume you think you're superior to them. DO NOT BRUISE YOUR BOSSES EGO.
And, even if you're not being criticized for your work, don't expect credit or appreciation.
7. Bending over and reaching high for any reason will be taken as an invitation to comment on your body, especially if some skin shows when your shirt comes up from reaching. Showing skin is asking for it! Remember that! Try to keep these completely necessary actions/movements to a minimum.
8. If you let anyone so much as SEE a tampon in the wrapper, you're in the wrong. Don't you know your totally natural and unavoidable menstrual cycle is inappropriate and should be hidden at all costs?
9. Lastly (and this is important), don't call out your boss when he comments on your body in front of the entire staff. Don't cut him off when he relays his fantasies about you and the other women you work with. Especially don't hit him if he touches you without permission. After all, physical violence is a fireable offense, but unwarranted sexual advances aren't.
Overall, if you follow these suggestions, and adjust your expectations, you'll be able to "deal with" your work environment as most (if not all) women feel that they must on a daily basis.
Seems easy enough, right?
