Nowadays, you hear the word privilege thrown around a lot. People keep talking about who has it, who doesn’t, and what we need to do about it. But the problem is a good number of people won’t even participate in a conversation about privilege because they don’t believe it exists in the United States, where everyone is always "equal." Well take it from me, it definitely does. We're not all equal.

Privilege references your abilities, access, and place in society, according to who you are, where you’re from, and the circumstances surrounding you and your family. For example, when I’m thirsty, all I have to do is turn on a faucet and fill a cup with clean, filtered water. In other parts of the world, people have to walk miles to drink dirty, possibly contaminated water. I have privilege here because of where I was born and my access to water. Privilege doesn't just stop at water. It reaches almost every aspect of life, from education to housing to safety to health. Some people, historically in the western world, have had a lot of privilege, primarily straight white males of moderate or higher means. Some people have less, like women, POCs and the LGBTQ community. That’s why straight white men have never had to fight for rights or equal treatment; they’ve always been on top. Everyone else isn’t so lucky.

Still don’t believe me? Well let me tell you a story. Mine.

I was born into a well-off, upper middle class family. I was the youngest of 3 children. I am white. I am male. I am from a developed country. I had easy access to education my entire life, never worried about where I was going to live, what I was going to eat, or was concerned for my overall health or safety. My parents pay for my car, my cell phone, and my college tuition. I was represented accurately in the media, and could easily identify people of my race, gender, and economic status in positions of power and authority. I never really thought about privilege and inequality because I had a huge amount of privilege and never faced discrimination.

That changed really quick. This past year, I came out as bisexual. It was a shock for a lot of people. I came out in a very public way, so immediately thousands of people who I knew and didn’t know, all heard the news. It was terrifying and exciting. But during all of it, I never thought about the privilege I was going to lose just by being myself.

Remember before, when I was talking about all the privilege I had? Part of that was attributed to the fact that I only dated girls for the first 19 years of my life. But when I started dating guys too, things changed. At first, if I wasn't affectionate with whatever guy I was with, people would just assume that we were friends or siblings. Servers would automatically give us separate checks without asking. While being perceived as siblings with a guy your out with isn’t exactly they ideal situation, it didn't make any waves. But when people around us realized we were on a date or seeing each other, some would change their tone quite a bit. People will stare at us for extended periods of time, glare, and make hushed remarks to each other as we walk by. I’ve seen parents cover their kids’ eyes or hurry them away like I was dangerous. I’ve been harassed in a movie theater, spat at outside of a restaurant and swung at walking down the street while holding hands with a guy I was on a date with.

Suddenly, going on a date took a lot of planning, consideration, and thought about who we would be around. Suddenly, I realized that if I ended up marrying a man, there would be millions who actively work against our right of marriage. Further than that, even more work against my ability to adopt children. I run the risk of being berated, abused, or attacked just by being who I am. My existence alone is a controversial political issue.

So please, tell me that privilege doesn’t exist. Take it from someone who had it all and watched some of it slip away; it is very real. Now it’s time to start talking about helping people who have the least privilege of all of us - trans people, POCs, immigrants - the list goes on. We need to balance the scales.