I've always wanted to be tough. When I was in elementary school and there were competitions of strength in my gym class, I would always want to win. Arm wrestling? I'm there. Who can pick up who? This gal can pick up anyone. Piggy back rides? Pick me! I always wanted to prove my strength. But there's a problem... You see, I hate pain. I am a wimp. I like to think I'm tough, but I'm not. So why did I ever try to prove my strength in the first place? Exercising hurts, tests of strength hurt. What was my motive behind proving to everyone that I was tough?
This got me thinking. As I've grown older I have thought a lot about pain. I think about some of my favorite activities, hiking, canoeing, swimming, eating and sleeping. And while some of those (namely eating and sleeping,) are typically painless, the other three are not. In fact, some of the hardest moments in my life, when I have really wanted to give up on something, have been when I am engaged in hiking, canoeing, or swimming. So why do I do them if I hate pain so much? Well, I think I finally found an answer.
Pride.
I'm not always a very proud person. I don't often put in a lot of effort in day-to-day activities, or projects for school, or homework in general. At least, not to the standard that I would qualify as being worthy of being proud of. However, when I do do something with 100% effort, I am extremely proud of it. For example, swim practice. There are some days when I do not give practice my all, and I dilly dally in the back of the pack. Those days are fine. They are normal. They still hurt because practices are hard, but I don't feel the need to give up ever.
Then there are the days when I feel ready, and I give practice everything I have to give. This may or may not actually show in my results, but the effort I put in was for myself. It doesn't matter if I gave my all and still went slowly. Knowing that I worked hard is worth it. I am proud of myself when I give my all, because even though I was hurting, I didn't give up. Pain is no longer important; pride is.
I love being proud of myself. I love doing challenging things and completing them, knowing how hard it was and how much stronger I am now because I didn't give up. I love the moment after a three hundred rod portage of walking with a canoe on my shoulders when I get to take the canoe off and know that I made it. I love the view from hiking up mountains and ridges. I love the feeling of cooling down after a hard swim set, knowing that I did my best. Pride is important. Feeling good about what you have done is important. Being humble is also important, but don't be afraid to acknowledge your achievements. Don't ever sell yourself short.
