Survival Guide On How To Pretend To Know About UNC Basketball
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Survival Guide On How To Pretend To Know About UNC Basketball

In a Rush? Click for a Quizlet

Survival Guide On How To Pretend To Know About UNC Basketball
Sierra Weight

Picture this: it's the national championship, people all over campus are wearing Carolina blue down to their undergarments, people are crying from excitement and their tears are blue from pure passion. Your peers are twice as stressed and trice as worried about this game than they were for finals; there's only one problem: you have no idea what the fuck is going on. If you don't learn about UNC basketball and fast you'll risk every friendship here and lose the right to wear a jersey without being shamed, to prevent this you've started scouring the internet for any "basketball for dummies" page in sight. Well congratulations, you've come to the right place.

1. Learn this Quizlet: []

Made with players' numbers, name and year, you probably shouldn’t try to just memorize these, but they should sound familiar to you.

2. Learn the basics of basketball

There are five players per team on the court at a time, and they each have different roles on the team–we aren’t going to get into that right now though. Shots are usually worth two points, except for when it is a free throw or if it’s a three-pointer.

Scenario 1: Free throws happen if you are fouled on, it’s basically a perk of getting hurt. For example, say someone (Grayson Allen) decides to trip a UNC player–he’s literally tried on all of them. if they trip and the referee feels bad, the tripped UNC player can shoot from the free throw line and those are worth one point each.

Scenario 2: three-pointers occur when a player makes a shot from outside the three-point line, it’s far away so it’s very impressive. If you got all that, please proceed to the next paragraph!

3. Know who the key players are so you don't seem clueless

Joel Berry will be a key player to know, he’s a senior and point guard and responsible for a lot of shots.

***BONUS KNOWLEDGE*** You will seem hilarious and up-to-date if you mention that earlier this season he broke his hand by punching a wall after losing a video game. Theo Pinson is another senior and has been a star player in past seasons as well.

4. Know what to do if you actually go to one of the games

  • When Luke Maye does something awesome everyone–yes, I do mean everyone–will say luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkeeeee in a deep voice
  • When a UNC player is about to shoot a free throw (see number 2) you clap the instant after the basketball is bounced to him. Everyone does it, so you should too! Basketball is allllllll about the bandwagon.
  • Download the app "Carolina Lights," it’s free and it makes everyone’s phone flashlight beat in rhythm!
  • Last but not least, do not get caught being that one person that’s on your phone during the game! The camera people for UNC basketball will find you, and they will put your oblivious face on that gigantic screen above the court if you don’t pay attention.

That’s all I have for you! Best of luck and I hope whoever you are trying to fool into believing you’re a big fan is fooled! Happy holidays you scammers ;)

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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