Ah, the coveted twenty-something years. How wonderful to be young. Because once you hit thirty, apparently everything goes downhill. And so, people see the untouched youth, the precious twenty-something years and say,

“Date 394637 people in the next five years.”

“Never get married. Be an ethical slut”

“Go out and have fun! You have all the time in the world.”

Remember back in middle school where we had those D.A.R.E lectures against peer pressure? I guess they no longer apply when you’re in your twenties. There are entire books written about this decade of life, countless studies. Some claim extended adolescence. Others claim they are throw away years. Meg Jay, PhD claims they are the most important years of your life, that we change the most in these years. In any case, there is pressure to live like today will be your last. Apparently turning 30 is a death sentence.

I am not under the impression that I am invincible. I am very aware that my days are numbered. Some may argue too aware. But, I would like to live my life how I see fit. Perhaps, I do not wish to define my self-worth through how many partners I’ve had or how non-committal I am. I don’t want to define my years by how many drinks I’ve had. It seems that many individuals are trying to live through twenty-somethings. I get it. Regrets happen. Some people are married to the person they’ve dated since 13. An aching aging body may make it hard to see the joys in life.

I share that fear. That I will wake up at 30, 40, 50, and work a meaningless job and settle for the relationship that I always told myself I wouldn’t have. It is that fear that makes it more apparent to me that I should do something meaningful during these years. Things like making meaningful connections with people, learning about the world and myself. Those things are important to me. It’s not about the dates or scratching that wanderlust itch that will never go away. If those things are how I learn to really come to an understanding of who I am then I welcome them. I welcome the various people are partners that come way. I welcome the fun. But, I want it to be meaningful.

Defining myself is what I’m concerned with. If Meg Jay is correct in her studies about twenty-somethings then, I won’t change much beyond this point. Not significantly. Considering marriage or kids before 30 is important. Choosing a career or life path is important. But even more important is not having the extended sense that everything that we do is pointless. That is a trigger to a life filled with many regrets. As with everything, balance is key. Take note of good and meaningful advice but also live a life that rings truest to yourself. Because learning how to withstand all the pressure to be an idealized version of someone else is the most important of all.