The Presidential Candidates As Sports Franchises
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

The Presidential Candidates As Sports Franchises

It's time to make this election fun!

17
The Presidential Candidates As Sports Franchises
Google Images

The 2016 Presidential election is already exhausting, and it's only January. No candidate has secured their party's nomination. There hasn't even been a primary election yet. So, with the Iowa and New Hampshire caucuses coming up, I needed to think of a way to power through the sludge and drudgery and keep myself invested in the political process. So I combined politics with something that keeps me entertained: sports. It wasn't always an easy comparison, but there were some that were almost too obvious.

Hillary Clinton - New England Patriots

This one just feels so right. Both have a fanbase now that they didn't have two decades ago. Both seemed assured of victory in 2008 until they had their dreams dashed by a young African-American man the country had never heard of before (Barack Obama/David Tyree). They claim to be upstanding and virtuous, but both have skeletons in the closet that they would prefer you didn't know about. They both also had a "scandal" in 2015 that was blown way out of proportion (Benghazi/Deflategate). While they have their defenders, a lot of people enjoy nothing more than watching them lose.

Bernie Sanders - New York Mets

Besides the obvious Brooklyn accent connection, there's a lot in common here. Bernie is the champion of the middle-class, and the Mets are the middle-class of New York teams. They're not quite as bad as some teams (looking at you, Knicks), but the billionaire-class Yankees have been hoarding all the championships for themselves. Both the Mets and Sanders had a 2015 to remember, with the Mets making the World Series and Sanders emerging from nowhere to become a legitimate candidate. Both have intensely loyal supporters that are often overlooked by national media outlets. It's time for Sanders/the Mets to get the recognition they've earned.

Martin O'Malley - Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Literally no one knows who they are. (If there are any CFL fans reading this, I'm sorry.)

Donald Trump - New Jersey Generals

This one's funny, because there already is an existing link between Trump and professional sports. In the early 1980's, Trump owned a team in the upstart United States Football League called the New Jersey Generals. The USFL traditionally played a spring season, so as to avoid competition with the much larger NFL. Trump pushed for a move to a fall season to force competition with the NFL and, he hoped, a merger that would see at least some of the USFL teams survive. It's not on record what deals he struck with the other team owners, but considering most owners vocally opposed the change and then voted 12-2 in favor of it, it's not hard to imagine that Trump had his hands all over it. Almost immediately afterwards, two of the USFL teams folded rather than compete with the NFL teams in their market, and another two teams were forced to relocate. Soon after, the league collapsed. To reiterate: the last time Donald Trump owned a sports team, he failed so spectacularly that the entire league collapsed. Yeah, he'll make a fine President.

Ted Cruz - A Football Team Consisting Entirely of Tim Tebow

Both are known for being super-religious and exactly nothing else. Tebow somehow led the Broncos to a win in the playoffs, and Cruz is somehow in the conversation for Republican nominee. I don't care if no such football team actually exists, and I don't care that Tebow isn't even in the league anymore. I'm right on this one.

Ben Carson - 2015 Philadelphia Phillies

Both are so boring as to defy explanation. If there were ever a time where Philadelphians had to choose between going to a Ben Carson rally or a Phillies game this year, the city would descend into such lawlessness that Gotham City would look tame by comparison. Both have said equally ridiculous things, like "The Egyptian pyramids were built by Joseph to store grain", or "Aaron Harang is qualified to be a starting pitcher in a professional baseball game".

Jeb Bush - New York Islanders

Bush and the Islanders both live in the shadow of someone else; for Bush, it's his father and brother, and the Islanders have always been overshadowed by the Rangers. Both were expected to do far better than they have. Bush was a predicted frontrunner, but his campaign has completely derailed. The Islanders were popular picks to reach the Stanley Cup Finals last year, but lost in the first round. Lastly, both have been forced to relocate their headquarters due to money problems.

Marco Rubio - Miami Heat

[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2Ffiles%2F2016%2F01%2F25%2F6358928465500782221281661583_burm5gh2wvjti3xhei5h16k8e.gif&ho=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn1.theodysseyonline.com&s=289&h=a843138889744b5cc961addd49bce95288bc13078a9599b868f4021228993b34&size=980x&c=1657527918 crop_info="%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252Ffiles%252F2016%252F01%252F25%252F6358928465500782221281661583_burm5gh2wvjti3xhei5h16k8e.gif%26ho%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fcdn1.theodysseyonline.com%26s%3D289%26h%3Da843138889744b5cc961addd49bce95288bc13078a9599b868f4021228993b34%26size%3D980x%26c%3D1657527918%22%7D" expand=1]

Rubio was being groomed for the Presidency during his current term as Senator, but was left to dry when the Republicans found a superstar up North. Similarly, the Heat were promised "Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six..." championships, but then lost all of their fans when their superstar went North. Besides, the issue of race makes it difficult for Republicans to embrace Rubio or professional basketball.

Chris Christie - Haha, Christie and sports don't mix


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Haunted Houses For Halloween In New Jersey

The Top Scariest Haunted Houses In New Jersey

6400

Residing in New Jersey enables you to participate in various activities, and everyone has a favorite. In New Jersey, Halloween is also celebrated in a spooky way. There are many scariest haunted houses in NJ to celebrate Halloween. If you want to confront your greatest fears, Halloween Scariest haunted houses are ideal.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Leaving My Backpack In The Library

Views about society and the stranger sitting right across from me

50471
https://unsplash.com/photos/O0T1SIgHAfM

As a college student, my backpack is an extension of myself in many ways. It contains my notes, pens, and computer vital for my success in college. It contains the snacks and water bottle I need to survive long days on campus. It also contains the "in-case" items that help put my mind at rest if I forgot something from home: extra hair ties, masks, and that backup-backup snack. With so much in my backpack important to me and my life on campus, it is no wonder that I can get apprehensive about it when it is not with me or in my line of sight. And that makes me wonder.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cool Gadgets To Make Your Car Smart

Don't let this stop you from making your car smart. You can change the one you have using smart gadgets that transform your car into a smart car.

108447

Cars are no longer just a mode of transport, where you only worry about the engine and how beautiful its interior is. These days, everyone wants to make their cars smarter, those with advanced technology systems. It makes sense for several reasons. It can make your vehicle more efficient and safer when you need to drive.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

The Inevitable Truth of Loss

You're going to be okay.

128892

As we humans face loss and grief on a daily basis, it's challenging to see the good in all the change. Here's a better perspective on how we can deal with this inevitable feeling and why it could help us grow.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

'Venom: Let There Be Carnage' Film Review

Tom Hardy and Woody Harrelson lead a tigher, more fun sequel to 2018's 'Venom'

105172
Photo Credit: Sony Pictures Entertainment – YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FmWuCgJmxo

When Sony announced that Venom would be getting a stand-alone movie, outside of the Tom Holland MCU Spider-Man films, and intended to start its own separate shared universe of films, the reactions were generally not that kind. Even if Tom Hardy was going to take on the role, why would you take Venom, so intrinsically connected to Spider-Man's comic book roots, and remove all of that for cheap action spectacle?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments