The Presidential Candidates As Sports Franchises
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

The Presidential Candidates As Sports Franchises

It's time to make this election fun!

The Presidential Candidates As Sports Franchises
Google Images

The 2016 Presidential election is already exhausting, and it's only January. No candidate has secured their party's nomination. There hasn't even been a primary election yet. So, with the Iowa and New Hampshire caucuses coming up, I needed to think of a way to power through the sludge and drudgery and keep myself invested in the political process. So I combined politics with something that keeps me entertained: sports. It wasn't always an easy comparison, but there were some that were almost too obvious.

Hillary Clinton - New England Patriots

This one just feels so right. Both have a fanbase now that they didn't have two decades ago. Both seemed assured of victory in 2008 until they had their dreams dashed by a young African-American man the country had never heard of before (Barack Obama/David Tyree). They claim to be upstanding and virtuous, but both have skeletons in the closet that they would prefer you didn't know about. They both also had a "scandal" in 2015 that was blown way out of proportion (Benghazi/Deflategate). While they have their defenders, a lot of people enjoy nothing more than watching them lose.

Bernie Sanders - New York Mets

Besides the obvious Brooklyn accent connection, there's a lot in common here. Bernie is the champion of the middle-class, and the Mets are the middle-class of New York teams. They're not quite as bad as some teams (looking at you, Knicks), but the billionaire-class Yankees have been hoarding all the championships for themselves. Both the Mets and Sanders had a 2015 to remember, with the Mets making the World Series and Sanders emerging from nowhere to become a legitimate candidate. Both have intensely loyal supporters that are often overlooked by national media outlets. It's time for Sanders/the Mets to get the recognition they've earned.

Martin O'Malley - Winnipeg Blue Bombers

Literally no one knows who they are. (If there are any CFL fans reading this, I'm sorry.)

Donald Trump - New Jersey Generals

This one's funny, because there already is an existing link between Trump and professional sports. In the early 1980's, Trump owned a team in the upstart United States Football League called the New Jersey Generals. The USFL traditionally played a spring season, so as to avoid competition with the much larger NFL. Trump pushed for a move to a fall season to force competition with the NFL and, he hoped, a merger that would see at least some of the USFL teams survive. It's not on record what deals he struck with the other team owners, but considering most owners vocally opposed the change and then voted 12-2 in favor of it, it's not hard to imagine that Trump had his hands all over it. Almost immediately afterwards, two of the USFL teams folded rather than compete with the NFL teams in their market, and another two teams were forced to relocate. Soon after, the league collapsed. To reiterate: the last time Donald Trump owned a sports team, he failed so spectacularly that the entire league collapsed. Yeah, he'll make a fine President.

Ted Cruz - A Football Team Consisting Entirely of Tim Tebow

Both are known for being super-religious and exactly nothing else. Tebow somehow led the Broncos to a win in the playoffs, and Cruz is somehow in the conversation for Republican nominee. I don't care if no such football team actually exists, and I don't care that Tebow isn't even in the league anymore. I'm right on this one.

Ben Carson - 2015 Philadelphia Phillies

Both are so boring as to defy explanation. If there were ever a time where Philadelphians had to choose between going to a Ben Carson rally or a Phillies game this year, the city would descend into such lawlessness that Gotham City would look tame by comparison. Both have said equally ridiculous things, like "The Egyptian pyramids were built by Joseph to store grain", or "Aaron Harang is qualified to be a starting pitcher in a professional baseball game".

Jeb Bush - New York Islanders

Bush and the Islanders both live in the shadow of someone else; for Bush, it's his father and brother, and the Islanders have always been overshadowed by the Rangers. Both were expected to do far better than they have. Bush was a predicted frontrunner, but his campaign has completely derailed. The Islanders were popular picks to reach the Stanley Cup Finals last year, but lost in the first round. Lastly, both have been forced to relocate their headquarters due to money problems.

Marco Rubio - Miami Heat

[rebelmouse-proxy-image crop_info="%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//" expand=1]

Rubio was being groomed for the Presidency during his current term as Senator, but was left to dry when the Republicans found a superstar up North. Similarly, the Heat were promised "Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six..." championships, but then lost all of their fans when their superstar went North. Besides, the issue of race makes it difficult for Republicans to embrace Rubio or professional basketball.

Chris Christie - Haha, Christie and sports don't mix

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Planning Another Christmas Party

Don't just plan another plain party but get creative to have everyone wanting to come back next year!

Getty Famous

You know it's Christmas when the radio stations change to all of your favorite holiday tunes, the air is still, and stores have the best sales. With all my favorite things from Christmas happening my least favorite probably has to be when I have to go to another same old boring Christmas party that I get invited to every year. Here are some Christmas party ideas so that you won't have another sad Christmas party.

Keep Reading... Show less

High School Soccer is Wildly Important

For Young Players Who Want to Succeed at The Next Level

High School Soccer is Wildly Important

Whose choice is it? The parent? The player? There are a number of reasons that a kid may sit out of high school soccer, and to be completely honest; It is a huge mistake. High school soccer is the final piece in the puzzle that takes a player from above average or elite, to college ready by the end of their senior year. Every year thousands of talented athletes don't play for their high schools. Why though?

Keep Reading... Show less

8 Things That Should Be On Everyone's Holiday To-Do List

December is around the corner, are you ready?

8 Things That Should Be On Everyone's Holiday To-Do List

As they tend to say, its the most wonderful time of the year! People have begun to compile their Christmas to-do lists in anticipation for the season of sugarplums and gingerbread.

The history of the Christmas to-do lists goes back hundreds of years, almost as old as the holiday itself, however, people tend to fall out of this habit as they get older. This is unfortunate, as the theme of Christmas tradition can add bundles of the spirit of joy to your families.

Keep Reading... Show less

Fall Weather Must-Haves

Put away the swim suits and your favorite high-waisted shorts!


The transitional months of fall can cause some fashion headaches as you try to figure out what clothing to keep in your closet. With limited amount of college living space and the ever-unpredictable Nebraska weather, sometimes it’s difficult to know what should be taking up that precious closet space as you transition into winter. As you pack away those tanks and shorts for the chilly months ahead, get your closet ready with a few Fall must-haves. 

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Take a look at the articles driving big conversations on Odyssey.


At Odyssey, we're on a mission to encourage constructive discourse on the Internet. That's why we created the response button you can find at the bottom of every article.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments