Flash Fiction On Odyssey: If I Was White
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Flash Fiction On Odyssey: If I Was White

Written by a woman of color in a predominately white university.

226
Flash Fiction On Odyssey: If I Was White
Everypixel

If I was white, when I went to parties, boys would’ve talked to me as well, not just to the white girls at my side. They wouldn’t see through me like I was invisible, and I would’ve actually been a girl to them, an option, a choice. If I was white I wouldn’t be the last choice, I might have even been the first choice every once in a while. If I was white people would’ve wanted to be my friend. Why would you be friends with a middle-eastern girl if you could be friends with a white girl?

If I was white I wouldn’t cry myself to sleep at night knowing that yet another best friend tossed me to the side because she found a better, whiter girl to replace me. If I was white maybe people would’ve smiled at me like they did the white girl next to me. If I was white, I wouldn’t sit alone. If I was white, I wouldn’t know that always, no matter what, I would always be everyone’s last choice.

If I was white, when I was six years old, Kiarra wouldn’t have told me that she didn’t like me simply because I had darker skin. If I was white, I wouldn’t have the thick middle-eastern body hair that boys would laugh at, smirk at, and I wouldn’t have been called a “wolf”, “hairy-mammoth”, or worst of all, receive the constant remark of “its hard to believe she is even a girl, with that kind of hair”. If I was white I wouldn’t have spent eight years of pain and tears getting rid of that hair. If I was white I wouldn’t have worn long sleeves at twelve years old in the hottest weather in the world, simply because I was too embarrassed to have my arm hairs showing, along with my dark skin that was scorned.

If I was white, the years of bullying and abuse wouldn’t have caused me at 16 to develop body dysmorphic disorder, which makes me to this day at 20 years old terrified to even leave my room in the morning. I wouldn’t hate myself, and secretly, in the depths of my heart, wish my parents chose to never have had me.

But strangely, absurdly, and somehow beautifully so, I like the soul that I am. I like the heart that I have, the compassion that I have, the creativity, the passion, and the kindness that I have. I like my unwavering loyalty and my bravery.

If I was white, would I still be me? I would be someone else, someone with a different life. I would still be good, and kind, but I wouldn’t be me.

My appearance is a part of who I am. Part of the whole package of Tara. I can’t have the soul without the body.

So, what do you choose to do, Tara and the few who kindly chose to read this piece?Do you choose to love yourself, for all of what you are, or do you choose to hate what you cannot control for eternity?

I’m still deciding that myself. But I find that each night I go to sleep, I hate my appearance a little bit less and respect my soul a little bit more than the last.

Because if I was white, I wouldn’t be me.

Though sometimes I truly hate to admit it, to myself most of all, I truly like myself just the way I am.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

Ask Your BFF These 20 Questions To See If They Know You As Well As You THINK That They Do

Ask your best friend these basic questions to see just how well they know you.

36182
Ask Your BFF These 20 Questions To See If They Know You As Well As You THINK That They Do

My best friend has been in my life since we were 3 years old, now that we are adults now, I'd like to ask her these questions to see how well she knows me.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Alone At The Met

I survive a day alone in NYC.

7856
Wikimedia Commons

It was six in the evening. I was sitting in the courtyard of a Renaissance-era Italian villa, glancing around at the statues, most notably one of a boy removing a thorn from his foot. Despite the supposedly relaxing setting, I was incredibly anxious. My phone was at less than 5 percent battery, and once it died I would be completely disconnected from my family and peers, alone in one of the largest art museums in the country.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

College 101: How To Ease The Back To School Blues

Getting back into the school groove when you just can't seem to let go of summer.

9972
Beyond The States

With fall classes just beginning, many of us find ourselves struck with summer withdrawals. Especially for those who refrained from taking courses over the summer, it can be quite difficult to get back in the swing of things. Fortunately, there are various ways to help make the transition back to college as smooth as possible.

Keep Reading... Show less
Dating Apps

We Met At A Bar

Salvage what you can; if you can't, it's alright to walk away.

7099
We Met At A Bar
Anne Waldon

We met at a bar.

Keep Reading... Show less
Sports

The Mets And Me

They may be the worst sometimes, but this baseball team has given me more than I could ask for.

5702
Rich Schultz/Getty Images

On September 3rd, 2001, a sea of children littered my home's navy-carpeted den to watch baseball during my dad's 40th birthday extravaganza. A baseball game flickered on the TV, and a red and blue bubble of a scoreboard sat in the bottom right corner of the screen. The New York Mets and the Philadelphia Phillies were in a wild game at Veterans' Stadium. As I, a five-year-old boy with a jumble of curly blonde hair, sat in the back of the kid clump, I wondered which team I should root for. After a long debate with myself, I decided that I should root for the team that's winning (duh). But, as the ninth inning rolled around with the Phils maintaining a 7-5 lead, some magic occurred. The Mets put up five runs in one frame, stunning the Phillie fans in the room and winning the game 10-7.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments