To the Potential Husband that Overvalues Sexual Purity

Dear Future Husband,

I did not save myself for you. According to my abstinence-only sex education, you should reject me because I am “used goods” and I will be less devoted to you. Apparently, the most important thing I bring to you is my virginity because it means that our marriage will be stable. My sexual purity does not guarantee a stable marriage. Our love and trust of one another will guarantee a stable marriage. We could be sexually incompatible, or one of us could start cheating for any number of reasons. If you think I am a whore for having sex one time, then you are not my future husband. You are a narcissistic person who believes that I should reorganize my life for you even though I do not know you. Sex is not a sin. My sexual history does not determine my character and my value. Why is I not having sex before marriage so important? You most likely have experienced sex, but yet you impose this baseless double standard. Having sex should invoke feelings of love and pleasure, but abstinence-only sex education says it should invoke guilt and shame. If you feel guilt and shame over sex, then we should not be together.

So Future Husband, if you are ever going to exist in my life please do not be the personification of abstinence only sex education. Our nation’s schools and government think that abstinence only sex ed will prevent young people from having sex, but what they do not realize is how insidious these programs are. If my sexual purity is a deal breaker then that is a sign of what is to come if I married you. It means that you only see me as a token of achievement and not a woman with thoughts and desires. I am not “used goods” because I am not an object. I am not something for you to deflower and transform into a baby carrier. We should both have a good understanding of sex and human anatomy and abstinence only sex ed should not have a place in our lives.

Out-of-wedlock sex should not justify mistreating me. Had you known your history you would know that overvaluing a woman’s virginity has negative consequences for women. Religious officials have locked women away to essentially do slave labor in Ireland, families have murdered women for losing their virginity in the Middle East and India, and village elders in numerous African countries have mutilated countless female genitalia because of the emphasis on virginity. You overvaluing my virginity signals that you do not respect my right to do as I please with my body. You think that my body belongs to you and only you. News flash Future Husband it does not.

If you ever come into existence, please do not hold these views. Otherwise, you can kiss me goodbye. I will reiterate you are a sexist, narcissistic, self-righteous person who does not respect women.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth