Sleep in with reckless abandon
If you’re like me, chances are you’ve had a few sleepless nights leading into the home stretch. Eyes redder than Tommy Chong’s at the Ann Arbor Hash Bash. Bags under the eyes so big you’d think they’re from Costco.
Well, jump aboard the Melatonin Express and ride it all through the night, morning, and clear into the afternoon (if you so choose). When people ask what you did those first couple days, tell them, “I did absolutely nothing.” Say it proudly, emphatically and without any regrets whatsoever. I mean, who really cares that your dirty dishes molded over and the resulting bacteria has evolved into a microscopic civilization?
Compose yourself however you see fit
I imagine it’s not too far a stretch that you’ve worn sweatpants these last few days (or weeks) like they’re a second skin. If presentations were presented, however, you maybe cleaned and dolled yourself up, no doubt layering on the makeup to hide the obvious exhaustion and evidence of despair.
By the power vested in me by the state of I-Can’t-Even, I give you permission to present yourself to the world as sloppily or as on fleek as you see fit. Go to the local club in your Walmartian camouflage or slap on spats for a classy look. Stay home in your birthday suit or gear up as a Burning-Man-bound hippie (please go easy on the patchoulie). Sky's the limit.
Panic because surely you're forgetting something
With so many brain cells sacrificed to the deities of academia, I can hardly remember my name, how to brush my hair, or even how to tie shoelaces. Forgetting how to tie shoelaces isn’t so bad, I suppose. That’s what slip-on shoes are for, after all.
Anyway, considering that a student’s life is lived according to lists, due dates, deadlines, and planners, the notion that we’re forgetting something important is very real. And it sucks.
Have a mental breakdown
Not everyone will have one, but when throttling through the last few weeks Red Bull lattes and navigating one perilous assignment after another, screeching to a figurative halt leaves you in a state of shock. Sometimes you just can’t even.
Party so hard you forget everything you learned
Again, this won’t apply to all students, but it will apply to a good handful. Liquor will flow more freely than one of my family weddings and the music will be every bit as loud, just without the accordion. May require togas or even a class-materials fueled bonfire so bright it’s visible outside of our solar system.
However you celebrate another two semesters passing is your business, but this will be a time to cut loose. Check those inhibitions at the door and remember that this ain't Vegas; what happens in that dude-bro's apartment or frat house can stick with you and may required a steady dose of Valtrex to keep the bumps at bay.
Binge Watch Movies/Shows
Whether it's “13 Reasons Why,” or a repeated viewing of the nearly forty seasons of “Law & Order,” not engaging anyone intellectually for a few days is a must . Also, if you partied hard enough, you may need a few days to recuperate from that cathartic binger, and what better way to do this than by watching television? Am I right? Hint: I'm right.
Don’t forget to hydrate. Drink orange juice, too. And bread. Hell, order Chinese food. I’m no medical professional. Of course, neither is Doctor McDreamy or House, for that matter.
Promise to see friends and family
We all do this. Some of you we might actually see, but don’t take it personally when we don’t follow through. Or maybe take it personally. Stew about it while you wait on that phone call or email. We'll reach out if and when the party's side effects wear off.
Dust off pleasure reads
‘Cause you know you’re going to beast your way through that list of “100 Most Influential Novels Everyone And Their Grandmother Should Read,” right? Wrong, but it might be nice to work on a few good tomes. Anything that is neither required nor is written with ethos in mind. Maybe a fluff book. Or something juicy. Maybe a tale of witches or wolves or even supernatural sex highlanders.
Not saying this is on my list, but it's on my list. The author is all that and a bag of chips plus a Wild Cherry Pepsi to wash the chips down. She's also a friend and a Michigan native, so I'm supporting a friend and buying local in one fell swoop.
Three words: Treat Yo' Self
If we’re being honest, just about everything we do post finals is selfishly motivated. We sleep late because we want to sleep late. We party because we want to cut loose and act out in ways responsibility hadn’t let us. We ignore life and watch TV because we can't (nor want to) handle anything else.
Seriously, go get your nails done. Better yet? Schedule a deep tissue massage to work out the tension. Go see a movie by yourself. Grab some lunch and read one of those books you recently dusted off. Seek out blissful disconnect by hiking in nature, like the Waterloo-Pinckney Trail. You do you. Capisce?
Consider cleaning study spaces
Yeah, this ain’t gonna happen. We all know it. And for the person that tidies up in the first few days, congratulations. Want a damn cookie? Some balloons?
For those clearing out dorms…
…and can’t yet relax. Sucks to be you. Seriously, you’ll get your chance to wind down and it’ll be every bit as sweet as the people who don’t need to clean out a dorm room.
