Welcome home!
I bet that sentence was a slap in the face. We all know you’re not excited to be back. I mean who would be after spending the past three days groovin’ with thousands of your closest friends? Now that you’re home and reality is starting to sink in, I bet you’re wondering how you ever lived like this? You poor thing! Maybe you should just quit your job and fist pump the rest of your days away. Think about the killer arm muscles you would have! If you’re seriously contemplating that right now, then you’re in worse condition than I thought. This isn’t just Post-Show Blues where you mope around for a few days and occasionally lash out at those who don’t understand. No, this is far worse. You’re suffering from a serious case of Post-Festival Depression. Yeah, it’s a real thing. I saw it on Urban Dictionary. Oh, you don’t believe me? Then how do I know you’re lying in bed right now staring longingly at your bracelet? I’m not judging. You can stare at it as long as you want, but if I were judging I would shake my head and hand you some scissors. If you’re still in denial about having PFD, let me run you through a few things that have happened or are about to happen now that you’re home.
1. Even though you finally have access to a washing machine, you would rather keep wearing your swim suits as underwear. I mean, why not, right? They’re more versatile.
2. Food you would have gladly stuffed your face with before the festival has now lost its taste. If only you had thought ahead and stocked up on meals from your favorite food truck. Oh well—maybe next time. But that doesn’t stop you from Googling the whereabouts of the truck now. A five-hour drive isn’t that long, right?
3. You can’t go to the bathroom in your house. It just doesn’t feel right. Why is everything so clean? It’s freaking you out. Instead, you end up wandering the streets in search of a porta-potty.
4. When you’re not busy tracking the food truck or walking those four miles to the porta-potty, you can probably be found lying in bed watching the recap videos. You make sure to pause them every couple of seconds. You’re convinced that the dot in the crowd on the far right behind the girl with the blonde hair is you.
5. You’ve picked all of the flowers in your mom’s garden and are now busy making them into a headband. You can’t understand why she keeps sending you bad vibes from across the yard. Maybe, you should make her one, too.
6. While obsessively searching for news on next year’s festival, it sinks in that you will have to wait an entire year before having fun again. Horrified at the thought, you frantically begin to search for a closer festival. Any festival will do. Get a hold of yourself! Do not settle for some crappy tickets just to tide you over.
7. Up until now, your family has been blaming your dog for the awful smell coming from the garage. Unfortunately, they just put the pieces together. You spend the rest of the day in the laundry room crying while washing your festival clothes. Lucky you, though, one wash doesn’t even begin to touch the dirt—I mean memories—on your clothes.
Coming back from a festival sucks, but that doesn’t mean you should quit your job and pitch a tent in the backyard. The only cure for PFD is time. Give it a couple weeks and you’ll see. By the time the smell has completely faded from your clothes, you’ll be back to normal…except for when you forget to do laundry and actually do have to wear a bathing suit as underwear.
