Coming out is an interesting experience. It's something that differs from person to person. It seems like everybody has their own story. It also seems like everybody has their own definition of the term. I've often found that my definition has a different twist than the common one.
I've always heard many LGBTQ people say that coming out is an ongoing process. Many people say that you never stop coming out. They say that you continue to come out to new people for the rest of your life. According to them, the first time you tell someone you're gay is the moment you come out to them. I disagree.
I think if you've met somebody and your sexuality comes up right away, it's not a coming-out moment. Obviously, you don't just announce your sexuality to people when you first meet them. But if you're talking about dating or anything else related to sexuality, your orientation could come up. The reason I don't believe that's the same as coming out is because you were never in a closet with that person to begin with. You literally just met them.
The term "coming out" comes from the metaphor, coming out of the closet. This means that in order to "come out," you have to have a closet to come out of. I personally believe that the only time you come out is when you keep it hidden from someone for a period of time.
I have always said that I never came out. I've always been out. The closest thing I can remember to a "coming out" moment came when I was 11. I had a crush on this boy and I wrote a note to my mom. I wrote something like, "I think I have a crush on (insert boy's name)."
By the time I was 12, I understood that I was gay. There was never an announcement. I don't ever remember saying the words, "I'm gay," to either of my parents. They just always knew. I was always open about it.
I already spoke to a bunch of friends at school. I talked to them through my suspicions to my eventual conclusion that I was gay. I don't really feel like I ever came out to them, because they were literally on my journey with me. My journey didn't really happen in isolation. Thankfully, I had friends to talk to.
I'm also of the opinion that nobody really comes out at 11 years old. If you are going through your developmental process, you're still figuring things out. It's not fair to say that an 11-year-old kept their sexuality hidden from people. They didn't even realize what their sexuality was. Many 11-year-olds still don't know what their sexuality is. If you are open with people about your process while it's happening, it's not the same as making an announcement once it's finished.
I'm not trying to make myself seem better than other LGBTQ people who had to come out. I'm just speaking about my own process and how I feel coming out should be viewed. Some people need to come out because they live in environments where they can't be open. I'm not trying to be condescending about that. I'm very sympathetic actually. I just feel that coming out should be viewed this way so we can eventually get to a "post-coming out" world.
I'm very hopeful that one day LGBTQ people won't have to come out to anyone. We will all be known as our orientation without having to make an announcement. As far as I'm concerned, this is an essential part of our growth as a community. This is an essential part of the growing acceptance our community will receive. This is another step toward our community being treated no different than heterosexuals.
If you ask me, that's a future we should all be striving for.
