After an encounter I had this weekend, I got to thinking about how everyone polices women’s bodies and choices in the most subconscious way. I was standing with my friend who was in line at Cheesie’s at 2:30 a.m. (obviously living our best life) when the woman standing behind us elbowed me out of line. She really aggressively shoved me and interrupted my friend's order so she could say to my friend that my deer costume contributed to men infantilizing women. She also said something about how I should go back to Kansas, but, again, it was 2:30 a.m. at Cheesie’s and I was pretty much a deer in the headlights at this point (lol): shocked and frozen in place.
There were obviously several things wrong with what she did, but the worst in my opinion was that under the guise of feminism, she thought she was doing the right thing by insulting my (admittedly lazy and basic) costume choice. In her mind, it was my responsibility as a woman to prevent sexism by making sure I don’t wear clothing that makes men think sexist things about me. She forced this view on me instead of putting blame where blame is due: on sexist men. Basically, I have to carefully consider every outfit and look at it through a man’s eyes, because something that I wear could make women everywhere look bad. When she was trying to be a ‘good feminist’ by putting me in my place, what she was actually doing was taking away any agency I have as a woman.
Being a good feminist means that you support other women's choices. You don't judge them for the choices they make, and you certainly don't force the male gaze onto those choices.
If you think you're a feminist, but you judge a woman for what she's wearing, judge a stay-at-home mom for not working, judge any woman and discount any of her choices by saying she made them just to get male attention, you are not a feminist.
Also girl, your boyfriend was dressed up as Jesus for Halloween. Live and let live. I wore the deer costume the rest of the weekend.