Portland, Oregon.

Timothy James Kerkhove, 20, recently reported his flip-flop missing to his two roommates, Monte Daniel Monteleagre and Jacob Ryan Sawyer, both 20. Both of Kerkhove's roommates denied having any knowledge of his missing shoe.

Unknown to Kerkhove at press time, Monteleagre and Sawyer had conspired late last week to steal something of their roommates, who was then at work, as a gimmick for Monteleagre to turn into a news article admitting to the crime which the writer planned on publishing to Odyssey.

Kerkhove expressed some suspicion of Monteleagre while questioning him. Monteleagre has, in the past, pulled similar pranks bordering on kleptomania. Monteleagre denied having any knowledge of the singular flop which, at press time, resides under all the trash in the fan box which sits in the three roommate's closet. Authorities say Monteleagre and Sawyer both agreed the box was a good place because "nobody uses this closet for anything but toilet paper." Sawyer repeated the sentiment for emphasis.

Authorities also confirm that, during the writing of this article, the suspect is still at large. The police are working under the assumption that Monteleagre is armed but nonviolent and that he "does not possess any notable magic ability, despite having a deck of satirical tarot cards resting on his bedside table." The officer added, "We always work under the impression that our suspects do not possess any degree of magical talents because our precinct has taken the stance that 'magic doesn't exist' ever since our chief realized his ancestors were a little too involved with the witch hunts back in the day. I personally don't care left or right on the matter, but we're required to share that bit of the mission statement with the media when we're able."

Monteleagre reached out to us in a hand signed letter in which the rest of the words were comprised of letters clipped from magazines, "Yeah, Timbus, I did it, and I'll do it again if this article doesn't get fifty shares in the first day it's published. 'Jake' the Snake wanted me to say that. Your friend and debtor, Monte."

Crime has been on the rise in the three's Portland home ever since they moved in. Unconfirmed reports of a freezer full of both mail fraud and pizza have been wafting the way of police and mailmen for several weeks now. When confronted about the issue, the local mailman reported, "I don't care, dude, this is just paying the bills until I figure out how to fake my death so I can come back a week later and sell my snake oil on Etsy for 35 bucks a pop." He asked not be named.

In reporting these events, it became clear to me that Tim should be made aware of the location of his missing flop and those who, allegedly, stole it. I ask that you share this article in hopes that those most affected by this spree of crime can claim that there is some sort of justice in life and enjoy the empathy of the strangers who lead him to the discovery of his coveted open-toed shoe.