Becoming #relationshipgoals certainly takes a lot. Cute selfies, adorable PDA, worshipful glances from across crowded rooms, movie-worthy love declarations... generally supportive, open, and compassionate actions and words. However, in recent years, different couples have stepped into the OTP spotlight. These relationships, including those of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf, and Harley Quinn and the Joker, are all toxic, abusive, and unhealthy overall. Should we really be glorifying these harmful relationships to audiences across the world?
Take the example of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf, one of the most celebrated couples on "Gossip Girl." I myself am guilty of nervously biting my nails, longing for them to stay together for more than five episodes at a time. While Chuck and Blair are supportive of each other -- they make a pact to reach their personal goals before being together forever -- their relationship is, unfortunately, not one worth replicating. In one episode, Chuck tries to trade Blair for a hotel in order to secure his business empire. Not only that, but he is possessive, violent, and vengeful, taking out his anger and frustrations on his relationship with Blair throughout the entire series. The worst part about this obvious abuse is that with a single box of macaroons, all is forgiven by Blair. Chuck and Blair's toxic bond, and others like it that are romanticized in pop culture, put forth the ideas that staying with an abuser in the hopes that they will change and accepting emotional/physical abuse as part of a relationship are normal.
Abuse of any kind is not something to fetishize or romanticize. Frighteningly enough, 1 in 3 adolescents in the United States is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner. But, how can we be surprised by such a statistic when popular movies, books and television shows are putting abusive relationships on a pedestal? Teens' minds are more susceptible than adults' minds to influence. Signs of abusive relationships, including hypercriticism, possessiveness, isolation, and violent threats can be difficult to recognize in real life situations, especially when your favorite characters experience the same things. Thus, allowing abusive relationships to flourish in fictional situations can influence teens (and everyone, really) to accept them as the norm.
We should not be normalizing or making light of dangerous situations that 10 million people per year experience with their intimate partners. The reality is, abusers do not turn into princes (or princesses) with forgiveness and understanding. Great loves are not abusive loves. Glorifying an abusive relationship in a popular television show only promotes the same thing in real life. It is up to producers of pop culture to portray these facts in their works and to make changes for the better in their portrayals of love, loss, and life.
