Recently the practice of polyamory has become more common. Polyamory, poly of Greek origin meaning many and amor of Latin origin meaning love, means to love many individuals. Polyamory may consist of many relationships, one primary relationship with secondary and tertiary relationships outside of the main couple or many unnamed relationships in which the person is not defining their relationship. Polyamory could entail more than two in a relationship. This is called polyfidelity-“for example, may have three people involved, with one person sexually active with the other two, or even with all three people sexually involved with one another.” (www.morethantwo.com) Polyamorous relationships may differ from relationship to relationship-there is no one way to be polyamorous. Polyamory also includes all individuals in the relationship/relationships to be aware of all relationships. In order for a relationship to be considered polyamorous, all involved must consent and understand that they are in a polyamorous relationship.
Sociosexuality, in psychology is “a person’s willingness and desire to have uncommitted sexual relations.” (McGreal, Porn Stars and Evolutionary Psychology) Accourding to evolutionary psychologists, an individual may have a restricted or unrestricted sociosexual mating strategy. Those who are slower to commit sexually to an individual, someone who takes time to know a potential mate and analyze their potential to stay in a relationship and rear children is considered to have a restricted sociosexual orientation, whereas those “with an unrestricted orientation seek partners who show signs of high quality genes associated with reproductive success, in order to pass these genes onto their children.” Those who are sociosexually unrestricted will seek to mate with…[those] who are highly physically attractive and/or have high social status” while those with a restricted sociosexual orientation will be more picky towards a potential mate and look for characteristics which show they will make a good parent.
Some may argue that polyamorous individuals are sociosexually unrestricted, however I would argue that they may be the opposite-restricted, looking for inward characteristics versus outward attractiveness and success. The reason I argue this is because usually polyamorous persons, according to www.morethantwo.com, and many other sources, are not polyamorous in order to have more sex, but to build multiple relationships. Polyamorous relationships are just like any other relationship, in that they require time, trust, understanding, commitment, forgiveness, etc. The only difference between individuals of poly-relationships are that they are managing multiple relationships, not just one.
Jen Day, featured in on www.oxy.com with her boyfriend Pepper Mint stated that she enjoys being poly, one reason being that you get to do a lot more, experience a lot more than with just one partner. “If your partner is someone who is never going to the ballet, now you have another person who might take you, or go with you. So, you have a lot of opportunities to do things-maybe-your main partner just isn’t interested in doing.”
Think about this for a moment, is love finite or infinite? If you love your family, will you have enough left to love your friends and your lover? Now, look at the relationship that you are in. Now multiply it by two. Twice the love, but twice the pain. Twice the time, but twice the gain.
Through a polyamorous relationship you can have your needs met in ways that perhaps just one person may not be able to meet. “When you acknowledge that you have needs that aren’t being met by your primary partner, it becomes eminently logical to look for additional connections elsewhere — and in the context of polyamory, with its rules about integrity and clear and loving communication, it’s both ethical and okay to do exactly that.” (Winston, www.match.com, Polyamory, Is it for you?)
Polyamory has become much more talked about and practiced recently. There are now television shows, books, and websites dedicated to polyamory. This leads me to ask-why has there been a rise in polyamory only recently and why are individuals choosing polyamory versus monogamy?
One reason for the rise in popularity of polyamory is the rise in acceptance. More and more people are becoming okay with gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, and questioning individuals. Now is a time where people can experiment, find out what they like, and understand themselves sexually. Now is also a time where, with social media, dating websites-what feels like the whole world on the web-there are now more choices in dating. Not only do straight/monogamous individuals have options, but so do transgendered demisexual polyamorous lesbians, and any other mix or match of adjectives used to describe the spectrum of sexuality/gender.
Our grandparents, perhaps even parents did not have access to the internet while dating. They did not see on one tiny screen, tens, hundreds, perhaps thousands of individuals very similar to our self. Chat rooms, online gaming, dating websites, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook. All of these and more are means of connecting-finding individuals much like oneself. There are so many communities, and with the internet it is so much easier to find yours. With this increase of accessibility that the internet brings, there is also an ease of communication. Long distance is easier now more than ever, online dating, all these things have opened us up to more potential options for a mate than ever before. Those who preceded us only had those they met in person, those who attended the same college, went to the same church, worked at the same place, or hung out with the same crowd. However, the internet has changed everything, including the dating game. In my opinion, the increase community and communication that the internet fosters as well as a restricted sociosexual orientation play a part in the rise of polyamory.
Think about this, there are people now-a-days, as in days of old, who sleep around-some go from relationship to relationship-perhaps don’t think highly of their relationships-these would be “serial monogamous” individuals, definitely holding characteristics of an unrestricted sociosexual-there are also those who have frequent one night stands, another unrestricted sociosexual practice. According to McGreal MSc, because each sociosexual orientation tends to date within its own orientation and because sociosexual orientation is hereditary-there will always be two sociosexual orientations (competition also plays a part in this, if there are less men with a restricted sociosexual orientation, for example, less attractive/less success men may chose to become more restricted in order to find a mate-therefore if one sociosexual orientation becomes low on males/females, they will balance themselves out).
And now…to link it all together-I believe that the reason for polyamory’s rise in popularity may be due to the fact that restricted sociosexual individuals are seeing all the possibilities for mates and finding it almost overwhelming. Polyamorous relationships focus on building relationships-definitely not an unrestricted sociosexual tendency. With more choices in the dating pool than ever before (with acceptance comes differentiation-there are so many different types of individuals when it comes to sexual orientation, turn ons, and what an individual is looking for in a relationship), it would make sense that a restricted, commitment based sociosexual may want to see what’s out there in a manner that is comfortable to them- through trusting, honest, and committed relationships.
