I plan when I get nervous about something. It calms me to have an idea of what is going to happen because of the unknown, something that I cannot control, scares me more than anything. The unknown prevents me from trying new things and taking risks, from making new friends and talking to people in elevators. I try to do new things whenever possible, but I also do not like having anxiety attacks in public places because, again, you can’t know what will happen when they occur.
This year I have decided to try new things and meet new people. One of the new things is writing poetry. This poem is full of lessons I learned during my first semester in college and the results that came from my planning gone wrong.
When I took my first college history class, I thought that I would be the one teaching everyone else.
Turns out, I was the one being taught.
When I went to volunteer, I thought I would be “helping out.”
Turns out, I gave them more work to do after I burnt two batches of popcorn.
When I stayed home, I thought I would be alone.
Turns out, I was alone with my thoughts and that’s never a good place to be.
When I started writing, I thought that my brain was in control of the content.
Turns, out my heart was.
When I left for college, I thought that I had all the answers.
Turns out, I had none of them.
I have always lived by the rule that if you fear something: learn about it. I would be nervous about an upcoming event or milestone in my life and I would research and plan for what I was going to do. But, sometimes no matter how much you plan something goes wrong. This semester, I have learned that in life you can’t stop what you think is impossible from occurring. As you see it coming bend your knees and lean into the turn. Life is unpredictable.