This poem has gone through many versions and revisions since I first wrote it last year. It summed up the various experiences I had during my first semester at college. Going from high school and my one short-lived relationship to college with a bunch of guys showing interest in me proved to be a difficult transition. Since then, I still haven’t been quite able to find a balance. However, throughout my life, I’ve always taken to writing about what I couldn't solve.
Nothing once existed upon a time that never passed,
But the world before Creation with the Word became massed.
Connected cosmic fireworks ejected strings of atoms,
Linking fibers that stretched across the galaxy
And my lungs, pulling strings of oxygen and fallacy,
Expelling air into the universe’s stratums.
I stare down the Big Bang of my existence,
As teeth blot my neck with bruised persistence.
Where once crimson tears contoured my cheeks,
Replacing flesh with metal lattices,
Water iterations memorized facial apparatuses.
Years and platonic peers were stamped out in weeks.
Brown became green, that bled into blue,
Their eyes like Pangea, cracking in heavy dew.
Days can’t be bought with time spent on the night,
But populated streets and coupled retreats,
Make me beckon one to come, a pair completes.
Waking up to shadowy beds and faded moonlight.
All bruised and battered,
Broken and shattered,
Has anything we’ve done mattered?
The field of identity, ambiguous and amorphous,
Resentment of the entity, blood oozing from every orifice.
Sight wandering in facades of pleasure,
What was once sacred, now done in leisure.
I had bartered myself for his stoic heart,
Turned shale and submissive unduly timed,
Emotionally in debt from the start,
Mind and body turned muted and merely mimed.
I exist in that once upon a never time,
Seas of words depreciated to moans of a regretful paradigm,
Unable to revive, I let them all pass,
Just for a glance or an embrace.
Apathy and company interlace.
The nothing I know a south facing compass.
His eyes wound, as they glance my skin,
Those eyes, another color, but lust is kin.
Thermal coupling around my skeletal cage,
Breath and heat interpolated,
A smile of audacity congregated,
Anemic concern, knowledge for this age.
But the warmth infuses my veins,
And upon my flesh, bruises leave stains,
Promise was found in another,
Of contentment, a stability,
But the impassioned palpability,
Fear and hesitation did smother.
So, I left his envelope of arms and a sheet,
For hands and heads, hearts obsolete.
Spouting words, parchment and parlance,
Liar, cheat, tormented, adulterer,
Spineless, angered, egotistical,
Me that is, I blame you less, ignorance.
Why don’t you care?
Why don’t I seem to care?
Loneliness has come, but no love's been lost.