Lord,

Every night I close my eyes and pray

"Thank you, Father, for giving me so much joy."

I have never been happier in my life

But emotions are felt in paradoxes

I still feel the sorrow

I still feel the darkness

But now I know there's a method to your madness

Now I know there is a plan

Sometimes the path is muddy and unclear

Sometimes the darkness comes too much at once

You know what they say,

That every time you suffer, you come out more like Jesus Christ?

Well, sometimes there's too much

Sometimes I look back at where I was and thank you again

One day at a time, they say.

I bring the bottle to my mouth

And for a moment the darkness goes away

For a moment, I can see again and not only do I have your gift of joy

I have hope

But that goes away the next morning, and then I realize this

If I want the hope to last longer, I need more

But I'm still strong now.

The darkness is consuming, but it's not all-consuming

Your agents of unconditional love are near me

We talk, laugh, and smile

I know they feel my suffering

They know I feel theirs

There's some solace in knowing we're all in this together, that there's a plan for each of us

But still, there seems to be something missing

The bottle isn't strong enough anymore

One of the agents offers the pill

I see numbers, I see letters and an em dash

It does a lot more than make the pain go away

It's not just hope now

I have wings, and for a moment I can fly

Lord,

Forgive me,

For I am a sinner, and maybe the chief among sinners

I have caused a lot of pain and suffering

But if I burn in the furnace, in the darkness

I have your agents with me

As we venture, blind, deaf, into the forest.

We still have the bottle, pill, and needle

We know they are the Devil's temptation

Adam and Eve were strong, when you look at us

But somewhere along the way

More and more people left us

And gave up

Some of them loved us

Some of them were very patient

But you can't empathize with the darkness inside you

Until you feel it yourself

The ones beside me now

They have stood with me when everyone else gave up

They are your agents of unconditional love

Things could be a lot better

But for the first time

I don't care - I have something more now

Thank you, Father, for giving me so much joy