Lord,
Every night I close my eyes and pray
"Thank you, Father, for giving me so much joy."
I have never been happier in my life
But emotions are felt in paradoxes
I still feel the sorrow
I still feel the darkness
But now I know there's a method to your madness
Now I know there is a plan
Sometimes the path is muddy and unclear
Sometimes the darkness comes too much at once
You know what they say,
That every time you suffer, you come out more like Jesus Christ?
Well, sometimes there's too much
Sometimes I look back at where I was and thank you again
One day at a time, they say.
I bring the bottle to my mouth
And for a moment the darkness goes away
For a moment, I can see again and not only do I have your gift of joy
I have hope
But that goes away the next morning, and then I realize this
If I want the hope to last longer, I need more
But I'm still strong now.
The darkness is consuming, but it's not all-consuming
Your agents of unconditional love are near me
We talk, laugh, and smile
I know they feel my suffering
They know I feel theirs
There's some solace in knowing we're all in this together, that there's a plan for each of us
But still, there seems to be something missing
The bottle isn't strong enough anymore
One of the agents offers the pill
I see numbers, I see letters and an em dash
It does a lot more than make the pain go away
It's not just hope now
I have wings, and for a moment I can fly
Lord,
Forgive me,
For I am a sinner, and maybe the chief among sinners
I have caused a lot of pain and suffering
But if I burn in the furnace, in the darkness
I have your agents with me
As we venture, blind, deaf, into the forest.
We still have the bottle, pill, and needle
We know they are the Devil's temptation
Adam and Eve were strong, when you look at us
But somewhere along the way
More and more people left us
And gave up
Some of them loved us
Some of them were very patient
But you can't empathize with the darkness inside you
Until you feel it yourself
The ones beside me now
They have stood with me when everyone else gave up
They are your agents of unconditional love
Things could be a lot better
But for the first time
I don't care - I have something more now
Thank you, Father, for giving me so much joy