Every time I see you,

I always catch my breath.

And have to fight the feelings,

That still rise in my chest.

I have to divert my eyes,

And I force myself to forget.

Pretend you don't exist,

And force myself to breathe.

But sometimes when I see you,

You smile.

At me.

And every time you smile,

I stop breathing.

Not enough to pass out,

But enough to gasp for air…

Before I limply fall to the ground.

How can you smile at me?

Is it a pity smile, or a sorry smile?

Or a meaningless smile,

Like you would smile at a complete stranger?

That's what is has to be.

And when you smile at me,

And when I stop breathing,

Because you smile at me,

I remember.

I remember that you don't smile much.

Pictures rarely show you smiling.

But I also remember,

When you used to smile,

When you were with me.

When your smile was because of me,

And when you smiled at me.

The smile that lit up your whole face.

The smile that made those beautiful eyes of yours sparkle.

The smile that creates the crevasse of your dimple.

The smile that made my heart flip-flop.

The smile of happiness.

But you plod along in your life,

Void of passion, motivation or drive.

You do what is expected of you.

Without smiling.

And I do the same.

And sometimes I almost forget,

That you know how to smile.

But I have proof.

In every single picture of us,

In every single picture of you,

When you were with me...

You ARE smiling.

That smile.

A genuine, happy smile.

And you were smiling at me.

You were smiling with me.

And you were smiling because of me.

But before its too late,

And before the time comes that I can't find the strength,

The strength to force myself to breathe,

I beg you...

Please don't smile at me.