I wrote this last fall after a date with someone who now is no longer in my life. At the time, if I knew we would no longer be in touch, I would have been devastated. But now I know it is for the best. I never felt good enough for him, whereas now I am with someone who builds me up, instead of pushing me down with self-doubts. It just goes to show how much can change in a year and how we all are continuously growing with every new experience.

He asked me if it was okay to go for a walk

because it was so dark out.

I told him that

I wasn’t afraid of the dark

so it was okay.

It isn’t the dark that I’m afraid of.

It is getting too close to the flames

that I used to know so well,

and not retreating,

but embracing them

instead,

that I am afraid of.

It is getting too attached

only to have everything crumble

and break into a million tiny pieces

that I am afraid of.

It is kissing him

and feeling his body press against mine,

letting down any barrier between us,

that I am afraid of.

It is letting him hold my hand

and walk by my side

and wondering how far this is going to go

that I am afraid of.

I wasn’t afraid of the dark.

I was afraid of what was happening between us

and what would come of it tomorrow

when this night came to an end.