If you know me, then you know I'm not a big fan of change. I've talked about this in previous articles, most of them dealing with my life and where I see it going and it not turning out the way I had planned. You see, I'm someone who likes to have a plan for her entire life and if something gets altered or changed, everything falls apart. One thing I've learned I can't plan or control though is love.

To say I've been unlucky in love for the better part of my life would be a total understatement. I almost gave up on the idea of it entirely almost a year ago because I just didn't see the point or ever see it happening for me. That was until I met my current boyfriend. He came into my life at a time where I didn't expect anything spectacular to come with it. But he's changed my life around and my perception of love for the better and he'll never know how thankful I am for that.

But, like any relationship, there are good days and bad. We're not perfect and there are times where I question if I'm good enough and let my insecurities get the better of me. I get scared because I can't plan how our relationship is going to be or where we'll end up in a few years because it's impossible to know that. But what I've slowly come to terms with is appreciating what we have right now and not thinking about those big plans and enjoying the simpler moments together.

So, I wrote this poem in a few sittings because I couldn't write it all down at once and found myself going back to it. Because much like my uncertainties, I wasn't sure about sharing this. But no matter what I may feel right at this moment, or when I was writing this, or how I'll feel when it's out there, one thing that will never change is how I feel about him.

The Laundromat

Loving you is easy

I've become used to you.

Like brushing my teeth

or putting on shoes

you're my routine.

I no longer count the days

or worry about making it

to the next week.

My anxious thoughts

trying to get the better of me

because I know you're still here.

But lately, my mind has begun to wander

the cracks I've filled up

to hide negative thoughts

are starting to seep through.

No longer able to hide them

in the hidden pages of my journal anymore.

I think about you

I think about us

We're night and day

stark contrasts

somedays I can't control it.

How do we go from this?

From late night drives

to get food in your car

to me crying in my car

choking back out the words

to lyrics I feel so heavily for.

Finding the comfort

sleeping next to you

yet I toss and turn in my own bed

on nights I'm not with you.

Tears from laughing

at a joke you made.

To tears when I think

about the uncertainty.

You stroking my face

to put me to sleep

me checking every flaw

on my face in the mirror.

You biting my lip

like a forbidden fruit

as I bite my lip so hard

when I'm angry that it bleeds.

Wearing a new dress I love

that same dress on your bedroom floor

me putting it on the next morning, wrinkled

like it's lost its magic.

My chest heavy when I overthink

your chest on top of me.

My hands shake when I worry

your hand interlaced with mine.

Slow, intense kisses

that light a fire in me

quick pecks on your way

out to work in the morning.

Roses delivered to my doorstep

the dried petals pressed into my frame.

Lipstick smudged

mascara running down my face.

Memorizing what I'm thinking

by looking at my face

forgetting something I told you

about days ago.

Your hand tucking a loose strand

of hair behind my ear

me racking my fingers

through my hair in frustration.

I look ahead

you look around.

We don't always see the same things

Walking towards me smiling

I look down and blush.

Me walking away from you

head down and fighting back tears.

You tell me how a guy

was looking at me

me never caring to notice

because you're the only one I see.

Me feeling insecure about my body

from head to toe.

You making those feelings fade away

with your touch.

We're not the same

and we're far from perfect.

There are times when so much

clutters my mind.

And then there are times

when all I can see

is you and me

on Sunday afternoons

layed out on the seats

at the laundromat

with my head on your legs

and your head leaning back.

Your hand stroking my hair

as I fall asleep to the sounds

of washers and dryers

going through their cycles.

It's in that moment

I no longer think about

us and uncertainties

because all I can see

is you and me

folding your clothes together

at the laundromat

and all my fears go away.

Loving you isn't always easy

but to me you're everything.

And that's enough.