It's that time of year again: work week is coming to an end and brand new PNMs (potential new members) are being welcomed through the doors of their first house in sorority recruitment. I went through this last year as a freshman, and although I wound up dropping out of the process before preference round, I learned enough along the way about this special kind of heartbreak and excitement to where I feel like I can help out the next generation of sorority women.
Do Your Research, but Don't Overdo it.
When I was going through formal recruitment I was absolutely terrified. No one in my immediate family had ever been in a sorority and I felt like the odd man out standing next to girls who were three time legacies of one of the biggest chapters on campus. I didn't know the first thing about how to get recommendation letters or what to expect when I got there. After searching the internet for hours on end, looking at the recruitment guide given to me by my school, and trying as hard as I could to avoid any kind of rankings websites, I felt confident that I knew almost everything about every chapter on campus. Boy was I in for a rude awakening. I had overextended my research out of nervousness to the point where I'm pretty sure I came across as cocky to a chapter or two. When asked if you have any other questions about their philanthropy, it is definitely not okay to respond with "No, I think you pretty much covered it." It is extremely rude to pretend like you know more than the girl who is rushing you, especially since she may have one to four years of experience in this house with this philanthropy and their traditions that you will now never get to know about. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do any research beforehand, just don't stress too much if you don't know everything about a chapter, for those are the questions you should be asking to girls who are rushing you.
Keep Your Mind and Your Options Open
It is true what they say: keep an open mind. I went into recruitment having all these ideas about what the houses were like and judged some based on a few girls from high school that rushed the year before, so I felt like I knew which one(s) I wanted to be in, or at least could belong in. The truth is, you may not like a house during round one, but they can become your absolute favorite by the end. Don't close yourself off to specific ones just because they may not have a good "reputation". If I had listened to every girl that stood outside of a house and talked trash about it minutes before we went in, I would have dropped out after round one. On the flip side of that, don't get too absorbed into a house on the first day. I know it may feel like the place for you, but you have to understand that sometimes people do get cut. It happens, you can't control it, and it's definitely nothing personal. The reason I dropped out before preference round was because every single house that I fell in love with had cut me, and I was too stubborn to see what might have been with the two others that kept me and I didn't want to show them any disrespect by not being excited about being there. There is no shame in dropping out if you feel like it's not for you, but don't get tunnel vision and forget about all the other great chapters that would love to welcome you home.
You Will Make So Many Friends Regardless If You Are In A House Or Not
Almost all of my friends belong to sororities on campus. I met these girls on my hall the week after recruitment and I am so glad I did, for they never looked down on me because of how my recruitment experience went. Another thing I am glad about is how positively these houses have changed my friends. I can't speak for what they were like before coming to school, but after going to several date parties, philanthropy events, and seeing how excited they are for the future, I can see why they love it so much. I even still talk to girls I met in my walking group. Just because something may not work out for you, doesn't mean that the friendships you made can't be built on that common ground. It is a good thing to talk to girls in your walking group - who knows, by the end of the week they could be your sisters.
Keep Your House Opinions To Yourself
Regardless if you had a good or bad experience in a house during recruitment, you should keep all these opinions to yourself. You'd be surprised how easily people's opinions get swayed just because that upperclassmen in the walking group said something about one of the houses. Don't forget, your Rho Gammas are in a house, and they know a lot more about that house than any of you. Also on the note of Rho Gammas, do not be afraid to ask them for advice on anything from deciding between two houses you love to what outfit you should wear that day. They are there to help you and want everyone to get the most out of the recruitment experience, so don't be afraid to go to them if you are stuck.
Be Yourself
I know, this age-old cliche that everyone gets told going into anything in life is so played out but it is seriously one of the biggest things to remember. These girls want to know you, not someone you think they might like, or someone you saw in that sorority movie. I struggled so much with showing the houses who I am because I was not confident at all in who I was. I made subtle changes to myself - like having a higher pitched voice and wearing more makeup than normal - because I went into it with way too superficial of a mindset. I had a resume that could make you cry, but all those accomplishments don't translate to being personable. Own who you are and don't be afraid to show it because you could give them something that they'll remember you by and want to bring you back to talk more about it (even if it's something small like how you were a waterpark mascot for your first job).
Although I could talk for days on end about the do's and don't of sorority recruitment from my perspective as someone who never even finished the process, the best advice I could ever give would be to have fun with it. Don't get so caught up in "I have to be in this house" or even the fact that you might be a legacy. These girls could become your best friends with or without being in their chapter, so make the most of it, and don't feel like your life will be unfulfilled without it. I know that is something I still struggle with. Regardless of the outcome, make the most of this week because it does get better. The tears are worth it, I promise.
