Unfortunately, PTSD is an all too common condition spread widely across the United States. Most attribute PTSD to war and gunfire, which is where the term started in the first place. It was initially referred to as "battle fatigue" until it was finally entered into the American Psychiatric Association in 1980. I have not lived through war and gunfire in the way that you would assume... but I have survived a war of abuse, neglect, abandonment, and more. PTSD is a rather difficult condition to describe because although it is classified as a mental illness, I do not believe it is an illness. It is no different than a scar on skin would be. In my opinion, PTSD is a series of scars left on the soul. You are not born with it, nor is it hereditary. It is a normal human reaction to surviving something traumatic. I would like to share with you my own personal struggle with PTSD in poetry form. Many believe that PTSD is an overdramatized condition and that those with it are simply "out of their mind." I would like for you to put yourself in my (as well as millions of others') shoes to, for a moment, feel the suffering and the rawness of this condition.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from PTSD, please reach out for help. You do not have to survive this battle alone.

Plum The Depths Of PTSD

You stand in front of your bathroom mirror clinging to an open bottle of pills

You can feel the anxiety taking over

Mascara trails down your cheeks as your hands start to shake

The blue in your eyes fades to grey

You can feel yourself slowly falling

Your body screams while your soul goes numb

You get a good grip on the porcelain sink as you struggle to breathe

You stare at your reflection as if you are looking into the eyes of a stranger

You have become every insecurity

The embodiment of a masterpiece crippled by trauma

The incarnation of the poetry you always tried to perfect

The epitome of a misunderstood soul

Your mind lingers in such a state where everything is intensified

You can hear every drop of water dripping from the sink

You can actually feel your body shutting down

Self medicating on the endorphins flooding your body in an effort to cope

You can feel your heartbeat pulsating through your entire being

You struggle to breathe as you collapse to the ground

Your life seems to have become a minefield

One explosion after another

The numbness is overwhelming

An accidental overdose of reality

Your body is incapable of movement

You lay lifeless on the bathroom floor

The numbness starts to wear off and the tears form uncontrollably

Your hands and legs start to shake

The steady heart rate that was comforting now starts to accelerate

You can feel it in your skull

Your chest feels as though it may cave in as you struggle to draw a breath through your shaking lips

You can hear the screaming in surround sound

You place your hand flat on the cold tile to keep you steady while you focus on your breathing

Ride it out

Ride it out until you feel the numb again

Your body gives into the weakness

The bloodshed between your logical mind and the trauma becomes intolerable

The hostility inside eats away at whatever sensibility had survived the last few hours

You wipe your tears and rest your face next to your hand to feel the cold

You try to speak but nothing comes out

Your words have all leaked together

Your mind is rapidly reliving pain and heartache

The images play over in your head like a black and white film

The memories seem to be crawling under your skin

Screaming and demanding your attention while the ghost of your former self collapses at your feet

You allow yourself to shut down

Everything goes numb again and you fall into a lethargic state

Your mind enters a place that seems to caress the wound you just endured

The adult psychotic version of Neverland

At least there it doesn’t hurt so much.