I am a do-gooder. I am a go-getter. I am an "I don't wanna let you down."
My fear of disappointing others is my biggest fear of all.
All I want to do is make everyone around me happy even if it means that I am sacrificing my own happiness. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that there is plenty of peace to go around. I want to make people proud and to be thought of highly. I don't want conflict so I just keep doing whatever it takes to please others to avoid it all. This is called the disease to please.
Us with this "disease" live an outwardly focused life that is centered around others instead of ourselves. We are fighters and defenders of the joy of others. We feel like if everyone else can just be happy then we can too. We give so much of ourselves away to others, but then we find ourselves in a slump and drained. We feel more empty than ever before. This is when pleasing people goes from a simple act of selflessness to a "disease to please". Here is how to fix it...
It is okay to say no. You don't always have to volunteer for every activity, hang out with your friends all of the time, take the babysitting job, or participate in things that go against everything that you stand for. You will only be helping yourself this way. It may feel like at first that you are disappointing people, but sometimes NO is necessary and it can only get easier from there. You have a choice, so take advantage of it.
Consider if the circumstance or the activity is worth it. Not everything is worth giving away ourselves to. If you are too tired, or you have something else going on then you might need to take a step back. Remember that time to do what you want is important too. If you honestly don't even like what you are being asked to do then it is in your best interest to just avoid it at all costs.
Give no explanation. This partially goes along with saying no. You never have to justify your no. Say that you can't and leave it at that. No one has to know if you have something else going on or you just don't feel like it. When you justify yourself it only increases the amount of guilt that you will have that shouldn't be there in the first place.
It is great to be someone that always thinks about others first, but don't let it become unhealthy for you. It isn't necessary to wear yourself down just so you can go out of your way to make sure that everyone is happy. Sometimes thinking of your own well being is the most valuable thing you can do for yourself. No, this doesn't mean to be selfish, but it means to respect yourself enough to make sure that you are taken care of too.The people that will be the most important to you, in the end, will be the ones who notice your simple efforts.
