Life for most people consists of a good amount of everyday, mixed with a handful of amazing, and topped with a few sprinkles of extraordinary. No greater joy is there than to find out you are expecting a miracle of your own, a biological legacy of yourself to carry on. Truly there is no greater blessing. Counting down the days, putting together a perfectly adorable nursery and gathering the most precious collection of sweetness you can find to dress your beautiful bundle. The delicacy of this new existence and the anticipation of all the new beginnings you are about to embark on are incredibly exhilarating. You leave the hospital with an enormous sense of pride, high hopes, and dreams of what will be for your precious new offspring.
The bond between mother and child is instantaneous, a purely unconditional love at first sight. Watching as they reach every milestone, capturing thousands of precious moments on film, and not giving a second thought to anyone seeing you dance and sing "The Little Mermaid" soundtrack for the seventeenth time today. Even those not-so-cute moments when they’ve discovered that walls are perfect places to debut their creative masterpieces, somehow seem endearing.
There will be scraped knees, feel better kisses, tooth fairies, cozy pajamas and story-time, but by far the best of all is when they look up at you and whisper, “I love you”. Life as you know it is fortunately complete and you are content to bask in the riches of it.
Then one day fate hands you a stick of dynamite with the fuse already burning, unexpectedly threatening your perfect world. The loving parents that once upon a time created this beautiful life out of a harmonious union, can now only create irreconcilable differences. All at once, your comfortable home and lifestyle are turned upside down. When push comes to shove, most mothers will reluctantly relocate and carefully make all necessary changes to adjust to life as a single parent. One particular point of argument that is emphatically un-negotiable however, is relinquishing the custody of a child. Hands down, this is the most detrimental act one could impose upon a mother. The very concept is overwhelmingly devastating, and unless proven without a doubt to be the only viable option, is morally wrong for both mother and child.
Often women find themselves in the all too familiar circumstance of being the care-taker, and not the bread winner. The sad truth is that a woman’s rights are fairly easily manipulated with the other parties’ capability to gain proper legal representation for themselves. Yes, there are avenues that exist for those in need of assistance that are unable to obtain it. These avenues however, are a shot in the dark and certainly cannot begin to compete with a hired attorney. If somehow you manage to obtain support from such avenues, there is still a fair chance that it will not be up to par. Too often, litigants are left feeling outnumbered and completely alone in essentially the fight of their lives. Time and time again, stories emerge of women whose lives have been destroyed and their children virtually stolen from them, ultimately based on the fact that they could not afford to defend themselves. The woman’s role in the dynamic thus far is all but erased, and minimized to the fact that she cannot solely provide for her child. Gone are the days of the pre-conceived notion that the mother always wins. The almighty dollar has the upper-hand, whether it’s in the best interest of the child or not.
Not only is the manipulation running rampant through households, but family courts, and child protective services as well. Children are selfishly being used as weapons through these agencies, by parents or caretakers who seek to hurt the other person. DCP & P is inundated with irresponsible “vengeance referrals”, that are a gross misuse of their service. Every referral must be investigated and followed up, therefore wasting valuable time and resources that should be used to assist in actual abuse cases. It is a sad reality however, that parents are so often caught up in their own egotism and emotions that they completely overlook the wants, needs, and rights of their own children. Yes, you will hurt the other person, but you will also destroy your child. Is it really worth it?
