Dear Mr. Jefferson,

It’s only been two months on Grounds, but I’ve already met my best friends!
I love my professors!
I have felt safe and at home here since the first day!
I love my classes and my major!
I feel successful!
I love the food here!*gags*

All of these are things I’ve heard other first-years, including myself, say. Each of these statements are true in their own way. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here! Of all the colleges I had to choose from, I am positive I made the right choice. But despite my hard work and happiness to attend your legacy, I could tell you that within each of these truths I hold a reservation:

I love my best friends here; but every day I struggle to feel like I’m keeping up with them. We all have different interests, and sometimes mine get lost in the shuffle. Each of us is pursuing our own interests fervently and is striving to reach the top of each field. Outside of classes, our extracurriculars range from teaching at elementary schools, to being involved in the LGBTQ community, to singing a Capella, and more. Within the academic sphere, we are all studying different topics – everything from anthropology to physics. It’s crazy how smart and dedicated my friends are – I'm so proud of them. But once in a while, I think, how do I measure up to what they’re doing?

I love my professors; but do they even know I exist? They are all friendly, welcoming people. I’m sure of that, yet they don’t even know my name. As students, we always hear, “Your professors just want you to succeed.” Ha. Ha. Ha. I know a professor with a flag of his face that says, “Every student should be offered the opportunity to fail.” In a lecture of 350 people, it’s hard to understand that when you receive a C on a test, the professor thinks you only put in effort for a C; when in reality, you may have put in A-effort work and just goofed a little. Until I encounter a particularly warm soul, the system of professors will remain about as impersonal as my relationship with you.

I feel safe; but do I? There’s no hiding that your university has had some bad press in the past few years with assault and sexual violence. We’ve all felt that pang of guilt when a new email pops up about another assault at 2:54 in the morning – while we were all sound asleep, someone’s life had been completely altered. UVA has made tremendous efforts to make sexual assault a widely spoken-about topic, through its various speakers and Green Dot program. But at some point, the seriousness of sexual assault has been diminished because of its prominence in our daily lives. We shouldn’t be joking about Red Dots or laughing at hypothetical drinks being spiked – because it does happen. At a place where safety is so highly emphasized, you wonder why I still look over my shoulder and run home at 1 a.m.

I love the food; *insert sarcastic tone here*. College food is college food. Need I say much more?

I love my classes; sike, classes are hard. Like many other students coming into UVA, I didn’t know what studying was, I didn’t know what paying attention in class was, and I for sure didn’t know what it was like to fail! The efforts I put forth in high school (just showing up) would guarantee me a solid D here. And you say you’ll go to class here, but as the alarm blasts in the morning, I can feel my grade drop from a D to an F. Even though I am so passionate about my classes, I know I’ll never be the most passionate in the room. I feel so accomplished after going to the library for an afternoon, but I can look around and see people that do that every day. When will my efforts pay off?

I’m proud of my major; and so are all two other people that are in it. Getting to know people 101: what’s your name, hometown, and major? You don’t know how many people I’ve met that are history, engineering, or bio-whatever majors. Where’s the love for those of us in smaller fields? As an aspiring special education major, I’m aware that I’m in the minority here. And I know that many people don’t understand why I’m drawn to this field. But I am sick and tired of being asked, “Why do you go here then? You don’t even need schooling to be a teacher.” Yes I do. I earned my place here just as much as the pre-comm or bio kids did. I know I’m not the only one here with a unique interest that feels alone in a sea of STEM kids. The ignorance towards my academic interests is downright frustrating.

I feel successful; I know I should be proud of the fact that I made it into such an esteemed university, but I feel guilty. I feel inferior. I’ve been humbled. My impostor feeling is at an all-time high while I sit in 15-person lectures and struggle to contribute an original thought. Deep down, I know I belong here – but TJ, lemme tell ya, some days I just feel like I received the wrong admissions decision. Yet, on other days, I see how much I’ve blossomed here – I’ve learned more in teo months than I learned in 19 years, I’ve made new relationships with people 7 to 97 years old, and I’ve stretched myself to my intellectual and emotional bounds – and bounced back from it!

Overall, it’s been easy to speed through the past teo months of college. I’ve had a few all-nighters, some nights out with my best friends, a couple nights of tears, and endless nights of laughter about things I’ll never remember. I’ve been lucky, yet I also know that when I get the smallest amount of free time, my mind wanders; I think about all of these fears and hesitations I’m writing to you about. Those are the nights that I can’t seem to fall asleep, as I’m ridden with feelings of inadequacy and desperation to succeed.

So please stop trying to fit me inside your perfect little UVA mold, and let me make your legacy my own. I will never be your 4.0 perfect Echols scholar, or the president of StudCo, or the star of the UVA football team (the last one is debatable, at the rate we’re going – maybe). Thank you for your beautiful university – full of life, laughter, and the pursuit of knowledge. But even though I have some unpopular interests, some subpar grades, and a not-so-preppy sense of style, I’ll always be a Wahoo, just maybe not the one you imagined. But you can change my view of your university and invite me, and many others, in, as fully accepted members of the University of Virginia.

Mr. Jefferson, please accept me. For me.

Sincerely,

A wandering Hoo.