The last 5 months have been busy. Between working, volunteering, school, and spending time with my lovely girlfriend, there wasn’t much time left for farting around.

Now that the semester is over, I have a surplus of free time. Here, I present a few plans for how I am going to spend this summer. They may have been made with a hint or two of sarcasm.

I wanna get a nice tan. In fact, I wanna get burnt. I wanna fall asleep on the beach for 5 hours straight, with the glorious fat sun roasting me until I’m cooked well done. I want my skin to look like that black stuff that accumulates at the bottom of the grill. Nothing too crazy, just a nice tan.

I wanna spend some quality time in traffic. This summer I’ll still be working and volunteering in the city, so I want my commute times to stretch good and long. I wanna be sitting in the belly of this congested city for hours with no sign of forward movement. Sitting in traffic will become a sort of zen meditation; other than the honking, screaming, and middle fingers in ample display. You feel me?

I wanna buy a one way ticket to Vegas. The past 2 summers I made it to vegas, and there is no reason this summer should be any different. I wanna go there and spend all of my money in that desert hell-hole. I wanna buy balloon hats and $30 beers until I have to ride the greyhound back to Denver. Nothing too crazy, just a nice trip.

I wanna dress inappropriately for the weather. I think a nice thick black hoodie and black cargo pants should do the trick. All that sweating is supposed to be really good for you… something about flushing out toxins or some healthy stuff like that. Mainly, I just want it to look like I’m a part of some cult that values fashion over function.

I wanna go camping behind enemy lines. I’ll pick a spot, set up camp, enjoy the greenery that Colorado has to offer, and wake up to find various forest citizens living in my car. Maybe a bear will spoon up against me for warmth. Squirrels and foxes will run away with my expensive flannels from Urban Outfitters. I just wanna spend some time in the mountains, you know?

Overall I think it’s gonna be a pretty good summer, as long as it goes according to plan...