“Would you want to have sex on occasion or would this complicate things?” The text was sent around 8 p.m., under the influence of a sober mind to my loving ex/best friend. A responsible adult, who I trust and admire, yet cannot relationship with based solely on a healthy and mutual decision not to.

I found it quite reasonable to ask if we could come to another mutual agreement surrounding our sex lives. It’s simple, we are humans, and adults (most of us).We are “mature” enough to plan our days, months in advance, build color coded schedules that would make Picasso label it art, and we even have apps that monitor our most delicate times (Pink Period tracker being my favorite), so why shouldn’t we put time and effort into managing our sex lives?

Many would say that agreeing upon a scheduled sex partner, time and date, takes the romance out of the act, but I beg to differ. Knowing that I have a secure and sound partner who knows my intent and respects me enough to take the time to include me in a fully booked day makes me feel desired. I think we are all following the idea that we fall into love and intimacy. “I just had to have you on sight” or “I don’t know, I just fell in love” are both lines to a great romantic story, but has anyone taken the time to acknowledge that the story line is played out? It is and should be, in my opinion, a more deliberate approach to something as serious as two souls connecting. As M. Scott Peck puts it: “love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth… Love is an act of will, namely both an intention and an action. Will implies choice. We do not have to love; we choose to love."

Of course, we are talking sex, not love, but you can see the relation and how intent and action are both key elements to making a choice to be with someone. We spend so much effort on creating the career, body, hair and contoured nose we want, yet we leave it up to fate to bring us lovers. Well, my friend’s, maybe today you can choose to ask someone to extend themselves for you and you for them. Maybe today you can exercise your free will. Write a love note to someone. Wait for their response. Respect their answer. And find time in your busy life to plan your next love affair. It may prove to be the best one yet!