7 Phrases And Questions That Make Us Mixed Kids Roll Our Eyes 24/7

7 Phrases And Questions That Make Us Mixed Kids Roll Our Eyes 24/7

Yes, I know my hair looks "super curly!" But no, you can't touch it.
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Almost daily, I'm asked what race I am followed by a thousand questions concerning my lifestyle and characteristics, which can be extremely fun to talk about... when not directed offensively. It's a stigma that all people from a certain region should have certain characteristics, and for a mixed person who ends up not having such traits, it becomes a daily struggle to explain why and "justify" our heritage. It's not only important for people who aren't biracial to understand that their good intentions and inquisitions can have limits, but also that sometimes their questioning can come off as rude. Here are the most common questions you have about mixed kids, answered by yours truly.


1. "...What are you?"

Okay, there's nothing wrong with asking where we are from, but sometimes, it's worded to sound so negatively that we don't even want to respond. Every time I have to answer this one question, I've been asked if I'm Mexican, Colombian and Brazilian, when in actuality, I'm half Jamaican and half Chinese.

This question can either be a great conversation starter or a terrible way to first meet someone, especially if it is not at first obvious that they're mixed... which brings me to...

2. "But you don't look ___*insert race*___ !"

This question is the middle finger equivalent to mixed people. Being biracial is a trait that we are proud of — we get to take pride in both countries/ regions we represent and sport features from, a characteristic that not everyone can have. To say that we don't "look" like we're from the regions we are from is an indirect insult to us. Imagine getting a 100 on your math test and being proud of your grade, then someone saying, "But you don't look smart!" Ouch, right?

Sadly today, it's not counted as being "biracial" unless your parents have different skin tones, which is completely false. There are stereotypes of what people from certain regions should look like. If we don't share those traits, that doesn't mean we don't get to take pride that we are from that region too.

3. "Can I touch your hair?"

Spoiler alert: the answer to this question is almost every time "no." It's not that we care about your unclean hands running through our freshly washed hair, but it's because we actually care that your unclean hands running through our freshly washed hair. People who aren't biracial will not understand, but our hair has a different texture and feels than normal hair; meaning we don't get to "simply wash, blow-dry and go!" like most people.

For our hair, our hair routines are complex, they take time and once we finally get the hairstyle we want from battling our curls into braids and hair ties, we REALLY don't need your hand running through it and unleashing the beast (AKA the frizz and resultant afro from combed-out curls).

4. "Are you adopted?"

Note: all mixed kids may not look alike, but that doesn't mean we're not related.

The great thing about genes for mixed kids is that your features are like winning the lottery; it's jumbled and random. There's no guarantee that you will end up with the winning match, but not everyone will also have the winning numbers. Therefore, two kids of the same mixtures can look totally different, as my sister and I are. She has caramel skin and brown, curly hair while I sport pale skin and jet black waves. This does not mean we aren't sisters; we are still related.

I find that this happens more when I'm out with just one of my parents because individually, we look very different. I always catch someone's eye looking from my mother to myself, and back again with an eyebrow raise as if it clicked that the only way that two people who vary so differently could be together is if one was adopted. It's the world we live in, sadly.

5. "You're both? So do you like black guys more or white guys?"

Why is this even a question? Since when as race been the defining factor for the person you choose to be with? Honestly, because I happen to be from both races, that doesn't change the way I see people. Personally, I prefer personality over looks, but I suppose for some people it can the opposite. The moral is, just because we're biracial doesn't mean we'll always have preferences.

And yes, our babies are adorable.

6. "But you act/talk so white!"

This statement, of all statements, is the absolute worst thing you can ever, ever say. Again with stereotypes, these do not define who we are or should be, and there's no such thing as "acting or talking white." Like any other race, white people vary personality and action-wise, and there's no way to categorize an entire race into one psyche.

Meaning, when someone says "you act and talk so white," they're speaking of you being able to speak "properly," and act like the "higher-class," than those who are also from your heritage who apparently don't. On behalf of all mixed people, please never use this sentence again.

7. "Select your race below."

All standardized testing and online application forums has a form where you are able to select your ethnicity (singular) from a given list. For multiracial people, this forces us to "choose the race that we most identify with" (what?!) rather than choose more than one that defines who we are. I still don't understand society's need to label individuals into certain categories, but this labeling is our biggest pet peeve.

For some, this forces them to choose which country they take pride in more, or for others, choose which parent's heritage they're most proud of. Either way, this divides who we are constantly, and only emphasizes the question of which labeled bin we belong in within our categorized world.

Cover Image Credit: Kristen Harriott

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I Am A Female And I Am So Over Feminists

I believe that I am a strong woman, but I also believe in a strong man.
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Beliefs are beliefs, and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm all about girl power, but in today's world, it's getting shoved down our throats. Relax feminists, we're OK.

My inspiration actually came from a man (God forbid, a man has ideas these days). One afternoon my boyfriend was telling me about a discussion his class had regarding female sports and how TV stations air fewer female competitions than that of males. In a room where he and his other male classmate were completely outnumbered, he didn't have much say in the discussion.

Apparently, it was getting pretty heated in the room, and the women in the class were going on and on about how society is unfair to women in this aspect and that respect for the female population is shrinking relative to the male population.

If we're being frank here, it's a load of bull.

SEE ALSO: To The Women Who Hate Feminism

First of all, this is the 21st century. Women have never been more respected. Women have more rights in the United States than ever before. As far as sports go, TV stations are going to air the sports that get the most ratings. On a realistic level, how many women are turning on Sports Center in the middle of the day? Not enough for TV stations to make money. It's a business, not a boycott against female athletics.

Whatever happened to chivalry? Why is it so “old fashioned" to allow a man to do the dirty work or pay for meals? Feminists claim that this is a sign of disrespect, yet when a man offers to pick up the check or help fix a flat tire (aka being a gentleman), they become offended. It seems like a bit of a double standard to me. There is a distinct divide between both the mental and physical makeup of a male and female body. There is a reason for this. We are not equals. The male is made of more muscle mass, and the woman has a more efficient brain (I mean, I think that's pretty freaking awesome).

The male body is meant to endure more physical while the female is more delicate. So, quite frankly, at a certain point in life, there need to be restrictions on integrating the two. For example, during that same class discussion that I mentioned before, one of the young ladies in the room complained about how the NFL doesn't have female athletes. I mean, really? Can you imagine being tackled by a 220-pound linebacker? Of course not. Our bodies are different. It's not “inequality," it's just science.

And while I can understand the concern in regard to money and women making statistically less than men do, let's consider some historical facts. If we think about it, women branching out into the workforce is still relatively new in terms of history. Up until about the '80s or so, many women didn't work as much as they do now (no disrespect to the women that did work to provide for themselves and their families — you go ladies!). We are still climbing the charts in 2016.

Though there is still considered to be a glass ceiling for the working female, it's being shattered by the perseverance and strong mentality of women everywhere. So, let's stop blaming men and society for how we continue to “struggle" and praise the female gender for working hard to make a mark in today's workforce. We're doing a kick-ass job, let's stop the complaining.

I consider myself to be a very strong and independent female. But that doesn't mean that I feel the need to put down the opposite gender for every problem I endure. Not everything is a man's fault. Let's be realistic ladies, just as much as they are boneheads from time to time, we have the tendency to be a real pain in the tush.

It's a lot of give and take. We don't have to pretend we don't need our men every once in a while. It's OK to be vulnerable. Men and women are meant to complement one another — not to be equal or to over-power. The genders are meant to balance each other out. There's nothing wrong with it.

I am all for being a proud woman and having confidence in what I say and do. I believe in myself as a powerful female and human being. However, I don't believe that being a female entitles me to put down men and claim to be the “dominant" gender. There is no “dominant" gender. There's just men and women. Women and men. We coincide with each other, that's that.

Time to embrace it.

Cover Image Credit: chrisjohnbeckett / Flickr

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Dear Beautiful Black Girl, Never Forget Your Worth

An ode to all the beautiful black girls.

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We live in a society where societal standards greatly define the way we view ourselves. Although in 2019 these standards are not clear cut, some things are not easy to change. Not to play the race card, but this is true for women of color, especially black girls.

As much as I'd like to address this to all women, I want to hit on something that I'm more familiar with: being a black girl. Black females have a whole package to deal with when it comes to beauty standards. The past suppression and oppression our ancestors went through years ago can still be felt in our views of beauty. It is rare to see young black girls be taught that their afros and nappy hair are beautiful. Instead, we are put under flat irons and dangerous chemicals that change our hair texture as soon as our hair becomes too "complicated" to deal with. The girls with darker skin are not praised, but rather lowered in comparison to their peers with fairer skin. A lot of the conditioning happens at a young age — at the age of 8, already you can feel like you're in the wrong skin.

As we grow up, there are more expectations that come here and there, a lot of very stereotypical and diminishing. "You're a black girl, you should know how to dance," "black girls don't have flat butts," "black girls know how to cook," "you must have an attitude since you're black" — I'm sure you get the idea. Let me say this: "black girls," as they all like to say, are not manufactured with presets. Stop looking for the same things in all of us. Black girls come in all sizes, shapes, colors, and talents. I understand that a lot of these come from cultural backgrounds, but you cannot bash a black girl because she does not fit the "ideal" description.

And there is more.

The guys that say, "I don't do black girls, they too ratchet/they got an attitude" — excuse me? Have you been with/spoken to all the black girls on this planet? Is this a category that you throw all ill-mouthed girls? Why such prejudice, especially coming from black men? Or they will chant that they interact with girls that are light-skinned, that is their conditioned self-speaking. The fact that these men have dark-skinned sisters and mothers and yet don't want to associate with girls that look the same confuses me. And who even asked you? There are 100 other ethnicities and races in the world, and we are the one you decide to spit on? Did we do something to you?

Black girls already have society looking at them sideways. First, for being a woman, and second, for being black, and black males add to this by rejecting and disrespecting us.

But we still we rise above it all.

Black girls of our generation are starting to realize the power that we hold, especially as we work hand in hand. Women like Oprah Winfrey, Lupita Nyong'o, Chinua Achebe, Michelle Obama — the list is too long — are changing the narrative of the "black girl" the world knows. The angry black woman has been replaced with the beautiful, educated, and successful melanin-filled woman.

Girls, embrace your hair, body, and skin tone, and don't let boys or society dictate what is acceptable or beautiful. The black girl magic is real, and it's coming at them strong.

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