Everyone’s guilty, but few will confess the problem that it has become. Generally, it all has good intentions but maybe it’s doing less good and cause more depress. Often we go through life, blinded to the impact that this stereotypical saying caries when voiced aloud. Usually making an appearance when the going gets rough and the situations are not of the prime, this phase is used all of the time.
In all these cases, hurt is the primary flag that cues this phrase that so many say more often than not. I’m sure you can know which phrase this is. Yep you’re right, “its’s okay’, and all of these phases that join in that category.
My guess is most of us have been on the end of the 'them' trying to comfort and make the situation better. But better does it make it? Not often.
The worst part, and the biggest fiasco is that this phrase had taken over all else. Becoming the norm, subconscious response to any instance of another's hurt. I’ll admit, I have been guilty of this too, but that is where we need to start to help this situation. I find myself using this phrase when, I don’t know what to say but want to comfort the person anyway. First of all, how did this ever become a phrase of comfort; its full of uncertainty and grounded in nothing!
With that being said, in situations where I have no idea what it is like to be in that persons shoes, how can I justify being of help by saying that it is going to be okay, when I don’t have the slightest clue! Can this really aid in what the purpose is of voicing those words: too comfort the person?
The reality is that the simple "it's okay" never helps. Or rarely anyways. You never hear of accounts where someone came out of depression because their chipper friend told them it would be ok. Or when someone is afraid of deportation out of the country, that person finds no comfort if another tells them it will be okay. Especially if that other person isn’t in the same situation. This also applies to death or sickness in the family, as well as a multitude of other situations that are not touches on here.
Okay might not provide the comfort that we intend to give, but maybe there is another way. Perspective might be able to overpower the “it’s okay” that is way over used. By looking at it from a different perspective, from the person who’s suffering in a situation that might be unfamiliar to you, changes the power, or lack thereof, that "it's okay" holds with in.
It is this way that a small transformation is made, as sympathy starts to transform more to the empathy side. This still categorize “it’s okay” short of dynamite, and maybe that is how it is supposed to be.
On a more personal note with this phrase, when I lost my dad, people tried to comfort me by saying sorry and saying it would be okay. I truly appreciated the support and love, but those words held no significance meaning. In turn they actually were just wasted breaths that left thing is the same of worse off than before they were projected. Those people, they had no idea what I went through, and am going through.
Saying "it’s okay" seems so innocent, but to a hurting person it holds nothing but empty promises. The person who says it trying to express care, but that such expression falls way short. Not that people don’t appreciate the tough, but more because the disconnect between experience holds stronger. And considering the fact that it is supposed to cushion the hurt, but the actual reality is that it often causes more damage.
Don't get me wrong, I am 100% guilty at lovingly gracing someone with these words, all in an attempt to make the situation better. No to think about it from their perspective. Not to "really" take a walk in their shoes.
Maybe someday they too can say it's okay and have those words carry meaning, but sometimes not being okay it the healthy place to be. Sometimes not being okay, is beneficial, because if we were all okay all of the time, where would we learn and grow as a person. If all we knew was okay and no pain how could we grasp what this world is really about?
So the next time you try to encourage a hurting friend with “it’s okay” or something along those lines, ponder if those words would actually make an effect. Maybe instead just be there for the person and acknowledge that what they are experiencing sucks, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t make it through, and that someday the okay will come back.
Sometimes the best comfort is to just be with the person, to support them with no words unless that is what they need.
All of the infamous “it’s not okay” is an okay place to be! In fact it is more than that, it indicates the start of healing. That is the most comfort that this phrase has to offer!!!
